Not looking forward to potential August visit from uNSIL email fanatic

[Laurie]

UNSIL announced a couple months ago that she was coming to visit in August (flying in from across the country).  She would be seeing friends in another city for the first part of her visit, then coming to see us and MIL for a few days afterwards.  Her visits are always unsettling for DH, but he hasn't yet been comfortable putting his foot down to make her stay at a hotel.

In the past, she would create chaos by sending emails that baited us into lengthy discussions, and pressure DH into endless tasks presumably to help his mother who is suffering from dementia and in a care facility, but which were not real priorities for MIL.  UNSIL lives far away, and does little to help MIL herself.  DH does the work that the care facility doesn't handle (finances, doctor appointments etc.).  Over time, we learned not to take her bait and to be able to stand up for ourselves.  She is starting up the emailing again, so we need to remind ourselves not to get drawn in and to stop responding.  A T once told me "you can't win with her". 

DH asked her to reconsider her travel plans due to the coronavirus as our state is still in lockdown.  MIL's care facility is not accepting visitors, and DH has a medical condition making him more vulnerable.  We don't know how the situation will be in August, but don't want her coming to visit and potentially bringing an infection to us and/or MIL.  She responded that she can't possibly think about something 4 months away.

Given her current mood, I'm thinking we wait a couple weeks and then respond that she is welcome to come and stay in a hotel if she chooses (if hotels are open), but that we can't guarantee that we will be available to host and/or entertain her or that she will be able to see MIL in accordance with facility policies.   Any other ideas on dealing with this highly skilled narcissist?

[all4peace]

I think your proposed response is absolutely perfect!

[Alexmom]

The positive about this COVID-19 pandemic is you can keep all kind of viruses out of your home and life including the virus of the problematic relationship like the one you have with your SIL.

I would let her know that due to your concerns about this COVID-19 virus and your DH's vulnerable health you cannot host her and may not be able to see her.    I did something very similar to keep my home drama free on Easter and will probably continue to quarantine myself from these problematic relationships long after this pandemic ends.