Using a physical ailment as an excuse

[11JB68]

So after the coffee debacle... He apologizes, I guess realizing I'm not going jade or apologize to him... But he throws in at the end... My back hurts
So that's his reason for being a grouch and accusing me of not answering him... His back hurts.
Of course he won't take responsibility to try to get better...I showed him some exercises he can do that I learned at PT but he hasn't done them, won't do them. So he always has an excuse... His back hurts, he has a headache, he's stressed, busy, etc etc

[GettingOOTF]

My ex had a very painful chronic condition that he'd had since birth. Working out and staying at a healthy weight really helped with the pain and was strongly recommended by all his doctors.

He didn't work out and gained large amounts of weight. Then he'd complain that he was in pain and use that as an excuse not to do things.

While I don't doubt he was in pain he could have been in a lot less pain had he lost weight and worked out. Both super easy things to do as he didn't work so had time to workout and prepare proper meals. I was paying for a membership at an upscale gym for him. He had no excuse.

I see now that he never wanted to get better. He used this as one of the ways he controlled and manipulated those around him. It was also how he got me to stay in the marriage for as long as I did. I felt guilty for leaving a sick man.

There is always an excuse not to contribute to the family.

[Andeza]

The title describes my UbpdM in a nutshell. Waif, waif, waif, and some more... Waif. Blegh.

I wanted to go do this or that? Oh, well she had a migraine. Or fill in the blank with pretty much anything else.

The most infuriating part of it all was that she told me how once she had been super healthy, fit, skinny, counted calories, cut out tons of stuff from her diet, and then proceeded to complain how all the effort to do all that just to feel better had taken up all her time. But did it work? I had asked her at the time. Oh yes! It was the best she'd ever felt in her life, but it was too much trouble...

Okay. So let me get this straight. She suffered from chronic health conditions, many of which were ideopathic diagnoses because testing couldn't really figure out what was going on, and changing her lifestyle had fixed almost all of that. But because it was so much effort to feel better and be healthy, she decided it was better to be unhealthy, blow up like a blimp, and be in chronic pain etc. And spend all her focus and mental energy obsessing about her problems and talking nonstop about them.

Logic cannot help us here. Logically, the pwpds in our lives should want to be better, but reality is that this would rob them of their chief complaints and excuses. Therefore they wallow in their suffering and will continue to do so. By choice.

The only thing we can do is not engage.

[11JB68]

Yes it's all to much trouble for h also. He's basically laid off now and could put in the time but won't