Nmom went to Long Term Care

[Amadahy]

Greetings, y'all,

This site saved most of my sanity (LOL) a few years ago when Nmom nearly tore my FOC apart and reactivated severe C-PTSD for me.  Since then, we have come to a tolerable relationship as long as I keep things cool and distant.  In fact, she can't seem to handle that I might have needed and enjoyed a loving mother.  Too much for her and with her wounding, something she could not give. 

Since November of 2019, mom has suffered chronic UTIs and subsequent falls, while living on her own.  Sunday, she had two within 24 hours where she could not even pull the cord for help in her apartment. Both times, she was found by caregivers and aided.  I told her pointedly that she could not live alone now and if she wanted I could help secure long term care placement.  She agreed and went yesterday to a lovely facility where she will be safe.

It's weird.  I am really, really thankful,  but I am also somewhat "meh."  I mean, it seems, emotionally, I care about her like I'd care about anyone -- wanting the best, but not heavily invested and not dependent on any reciprocal good will.  It's a bit sad, though, because in her state, she has become super sweet.  Still, no real intimacy, but she's as cute as a button and kind of innocent.  When this came into play about six months ago, I was sad and regretful for her days of rage and my days of fear and my therapist helped me deal with this resentment.  Now, I'm just kind of resigned  to being resigned.  Sh*tload of years, wasted.  Ah, so.

A funny aside, as I was filling out papers, the admissions director asked if Nmom was anxious.  I laughed and replied that we were all anxious with the COVID-19 business, but mom was chill.  It's true.  Right now, Nmom is the only chill person I know.     Small graces.

Take care,
Love,
Amadahy

[SunnyMeadow]

Hi 

I think "meh" is a good place to be Amadahy. Seems to me being "meh" helps us escape from enmeshment with our PD people.

Good news about your mom being in a lovely facility where she will be safe.