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 "we grow up in our family of origin undefined, nondefined, and dependant. The progress of growth is to move beyond that to independence or interdependence as we get older into adults. Many of us dont develop this way, in fact MOST people dont.
Enmeshment often happens on an emotional level when 2 people feel each others emotions or one person becomes emotionally escalated and another paerson does as well.
Murry Bowman grandfather of family systems theory says "while to some extent each person is attempting to control how others think and act, each is fighting against the other's attempt to control or influence him, this may be concious or unconscious"  Thats.. enmeshment, when we have that unspoken maybe even unaware objective of I want to change you, you want to change me"

I knew that the kind of 'love' i 'received' in my FOO was not how I loved or wanted to be loved. But there was no love. There was no real bonding at all. It was Enmeshment!

The video goes on "so you can get some ideas about when enmeshment is occurring, not an exhaustive list of symptoms:
Sharing a super self
Reactive rather than responsive
Worry with a loss of objectivity
Feel threatened conciously or unconsciously
Blaming, compliance, or peace making because of anxiety
Advice giving thats not being asked"

I am posting this in case any one else can benefit the way I did from learning this.
Learning that I did enmesh in my relationships, even my marriage was a game changer. I know my husband and I are so much better now that I try to monitor myself for enmeshing behaviors.

If there is a hidden seed of evil inside of children adults planted it there -LundyBancroft  Self-awareness is the ability to take an honest look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong good or bad -DebbieFord The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none -Thomas Carlyle



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Thanks so much for sharing this PB, really insightful!