Feigning stupidity

[Pepin]

You could say she was playing stupid - I called it shameless manipulation and how low can you sink, woman!?  Don't you have any self respect?

This....so much.  Can you imagine any of us playing these sorts of games?  This is what I also experience with PDmil and I think DH sees it, too.  It has nothing to do with growing old and all to do with respect for the self.  For example, PDmil suddenly doesn't know how to nourish herself with healthy food -- after spending most of her life in the food industry and heading up meals for a large family.  Seems that she purposefully is denying herself...so that others will call her out on it and then she gets attention for not taking care of herself.

Suddenly, she is unable to operate a remote control?  Not understanding which button is the on/off button -- all while DH is visiting her but has no problem when he is not there?  What she wants is for him to sit down with her and stay longer.  This in turn makes him upset because it challenges what he knows about her, meaning: this is not the same person he was raised by.  It doesn't seem to be about a cognitive decline.  This is a woman who clearly doesn't love herself or have much respect for herself unless she serves others.....she never learned to love herself or take care of herself.  She doesn't know what to do with herself.  She doesn't want to spend time with herself.  She has no sense of self because she never listened to herself.  She thinks that by always having done things for others, that those others will reciprocate.  Not so fast....that is a wobbly way of thinking and somewhat outdated.  It means that always having given to others while neglecting the self, was a dishonest way to live, in my opinion.

*sigh* I am sorry that this is so frustrating for you.  It seems that the boundaries you enforce, the more resistance you get.  It would be great if your dad could pay attention to himself for a change and attend to his own needs....but that likely won't happen at his age.  The only one who can change is you....which you have clearly been working hard at.  And it isn't working much....as I see it, you can either continue to keep putting up with him in the form of LC or go no contact.  How would you be if you didn't have to cater to his demands?  How would you be if you could just be without all of his baggage?  What kind of life would that look like?  Be that. 

[nanotech]

I thought I was fine and dandy and accepting of my dad's PD - but he sideswiped my confidence today.
I fell into the damn pothole of expecting him to change.
He's been okay so far, coped well even, but it all hit the fan today.
However, I did close the phone call down early!  That was thanks to reading this thread.
I recognised that I WASN'T  happy (thanks Peanut) listening on the phone to all of the aggressive negativity, the analysing, blaming and the dooming and glooming. He was VERY  upset with the world, plus
'No one rang me AT ALL yesterday.' 
I didn't JADE.  I told dad he could have rung me.
The complaining about the world continued. 
I said I had to go, and I rang off.
That was good as far as it went.
Then I went to find hubby and I began to complain. Hubby let me go on for a bit, then said
' Your dad isn't going to change.'
The penny dropped.
He's right.
I know this.
So why was I surprised and upset?
Thanks for the help to EVERYONE who has spoken on here. P123 cheers for posting this, you are not the only one, and good luck with your dad. 😊

[PeanutButter]

  P123 and nanotech doesnt it feel great.
Its been life changing for me to discover my feelings, be honest with myself about what they are, and let go of self judgement.
p123 i can hear more acceptance in your writings that may not have been there before. Great job!
Nanotech wow I hear your excitement at discovering an important truth that replaces that tiny amount of lingering fog.
I remember being there a short time ago.
We can do this guys. Especially if we support each other. We all will continue to one step forward two steps back. Thats ok we will still get through it.

[p123]

P123 and nanotech doesnt it feel great.
Its been life changing for me to discover my feelings, be honest with myself about what they are, and let go of self judgement.
p123 i can hear more acceptance in your writings that may not have been there before. Great job!
Nanotech wow I hear your excitement at discovering an important truth that replaces that tiny amount of lingering fog.
I remember being there a short time ago.
We can do this guys. Especially if we support each other. We all will continue to one step forward two steps back. Thats ok we will still get through it.

Acceptance - definitely!
I now KNOW Dad is a complete nightmare and never going to change. I KNOW I'm never going to actually LIKE him as a Dad ever again. I KNOW he really does not give a monkeys about me.

What I have to work on is myself - not letting him get to me so much....

I've pulled right back from him and its working. Hes noticed and, to be honest, he still has days where he pushed massively but its beginning to sink in that pushing too hard just pushes me away more.

[nanotech]

P123 and nanotech doesnt it feel great.
Its been life changing for me to discover my feelings, be honest with myself about what they are, and let go of self judgement.
p123 i can hear more acceptance in your writings that may not have been there before. Great job!
Nanotech wow I hear your excitement at discovering an important truth that replaces that tiny amount of lingering fog.
I remember being there a short time ago.
We can do this guys. Especially if we support each other. We all will continue to one step forward two steps back. Thats ok we will still get through it.

Acceptance - definitely!
I now KNOW Dad is a complete nightmare and never going to change. I KNOW I'm never going to actually LIKE him as a Dad ever again. I KNOW he really does not give a monkeys about me.

What I have to work on is myself - not letting him get to me so much....

I've pulled right back from him and its working. Hes noticed and, to be honest, he still has days where he pushed massively but its beginning to sink in that pushing too hard just pushes me away more.

ThanksPeanut Butter, and yes it does feel great! If I hadn't made the changes, I reckon I would be making myself and my FOC miserable because of all the FOG I'd be trying to negotiate right now.,

My dad is furious that other countries are relaxing their lockdown. He wants everyone at home, until there's a vaccine! He wants transgressors of  any rules to go to prison.  Hang  the economy! - he will be fine because he has savings and a pension! He's actually said that to me.
So the whole world should stay in quarantine for a year or more so that dad can be certain he'll be fine. He's 88.
P123, this pandemic has shown me that their attitude is nothing personal. Seeking approval is a wasted journey because of their infinite needs.  Their needs can never BE met. Also, it isn't just us, THE WHOLE WORLD doesn't matter to them. Only THEY matter to them.   
It seems as if all of my FOO are floundering because they don't have me available, to blame for all of this. I'm not there to throw daggers at! Go me!   
Yes, we will do this together!

[p123]

P123 and nanotech doesnt it feel great.
Its been life changing for me to discover my feelings, be honest with myself about what they are, and let go of self judgement.
p123 i can hear more acceptance in your writings that may not have been there before. Great job!
Nanotech wow I hear your excitement at discovering an important truth that replaces that tiny amount of lingering fog.
I remember being there a short time ago.
We can do this guys. Especially if we support each other. We all will continue to one step forward two steps back. Thats ok we will still get through it.

Acceptance - definitely!
I now KNOW Dad is a complete nightmare and never going to change. I KNOW I'm never going to actually LIKE him as a Dad ever again. I KNOW he really does not give a monkeys about me.

What I have to work on is myself - not letting him get to me so much....

I've pulled right back from him and its working. Hes noticed and, to be honest, he still has days where he pushed massively but its beginning to sink in that pushing too hard just pushes me away more.

ThanksPeanut Butter, and yes it does feel great! If I hadn't made the changes, I reckon I would be making myself and my FOC miserable because of all the FOG I'd be trying to negotiate right now.,

My dad is furious that other countries are relaxing their lockdown. He wants everyone at home, until there's a vaccine! He wants transgressors of  any rules to go to prison.  Hang  the economy! - he will be fine because he has savings and a pension! He's actually said that to me.
So the whole world should stay in quarantine for a year or more so that dad can be certain he'll be fine. He's 88.
P123, this pandemic has shown me that their attitude is nothing personal. Seeking approval is a wasted journey because of their infinite needs.  Their needs can never BE met. Also, it isn't just us, THE WHOLE WORLD doesn't matter to them. Only THEY matter to them.   
It seems as if all of my FOO are floundering because they don't have me available, to blame for all of this. I'm not there to throw daggers at! Go me!   
Yes, we will do this together!

Yes exactly. With Dad hes the only one inconvenienced in all of this. Its all about him. How can he cope on his own?

Absolutely no inkling that hes not the only one stuck in his house or likewise. Its almost as if they've done a lockdown and only included him so I've got to make damn sure I'm available to help him.