Conversation w/uBPDh

Started by ocean2wave, April 30, 2020, 05:57:20 PM

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ocean2wave

I've been married for 20 years.  I just became aware that my H may be uBPD.  I assume there's a spectrum as he's not "crazy" all the time (or I wouldn't have survived this long).  Let week was a good week.  However, there are these circular conversations. The same topic comes up over and over again.  This has been a pattern throughout our whole marriage.
The current topic of choice came up Tuesday morning.  He's apparently had a bad night's sleep with dreams that reminded him of the topic.  (Some days, it seems that everything I say reminds him of the topic!).  So he vented for awhile.
I think maybe I've been doing MC for a long time without knowing about MC.  However, I often just stare at him when he goes on and on.  Sometimes he "demands" a response.  The other day, he just sort of wore himself out talking.  I guess he just needed to process it. But to be in a relationship, I'd love to be able to have conversations. 
This stuff isn't going to go away, is it?  (I don't mean the BPD, but maybe I do).  This getting stuck on a topic, usually something he's trying to get me to do differently.  He's like a dog with a bone. 
As I am, today, committed to staying in, I am looking for positive ways you deal with similar situations.
Thanks!

notrightinthehead

In all the decades I was with my NPDh I don't remember a real conversation, ever. He monogued, ranted, explained, clarified, accused, and interrogated. We fought. I said something, was interrupted and corrected until I said no more.
I found that medium chill, non-jade, and grey rock resulted in a calmer, more pleasant home environment. Giving up the hope for true intimacy also made me less frustrated and contributed greatly to a more relaxed home. I found serenity and emotional closeness with friends.
Good luck with whatever will work for you!
I can't hate my way into loving myself.

ocean2wave

Thanks for your experience, notrightinthehead.  I struggle with accepting the way things are.  Hitting my head against the proverbial wall.  Hoping there is something I can do or say that will cause some enlightenment on his part.  I feel sad today and I think that's appropriate as I keep coming to terms with what it means to be in a relationship with someone with a PD.

NumbLotus

This is a long shot but does he have any OCD symptoms?
Just a castaway, an island lost at sea
Another lonely day, noone here but me
More loneliness than any man could bear