I just realised that I was never sick.

[Bella]

Well not really sick, I have spent my childhood being dragged to doctors for weight gain and insomnia, put on diets every year and stuffed with corticoids, having food taken from my plate and being forced to eat things I was clearly intolerant to, all in the name of well meaning parental concern.
I have been dragged to therapist and had said parents explain all the story while the Psychiatrist sympathies with the parent the ask me why I am unwilling to speak. Just to be told later that everything has been done for me but I am the one who refuses to speak.
I have been threaten with "you look sick, I hope you faint so I can get you interned at the hospital for weight loss and we can run tests and find out what is wrong" to be honest I was a chubby kid but not fat and the more time passed the more weight I gain turn out that's how my body reacts when you stare it.
They created an account on a doctor website with my name and phone number, take appointments, nag me until I go, then turn out that most of the times they lied about the cost.
And if I refused to comply they would recruit adults that I look up to to convince me, to the point that I had no adult I could turn and no evidence to present to go to anyone else.
This has continued way past my 18 birthday up until a couple of years back when I put my foot down and they adopted a different strategy.

Writing it down make it sounds so crazy. And this is only some of the medical stuff. I know that there are plenty of you with similar stories.

This whole mess led to a heavy dislike of doctors and hospitals

And today I realised that since the start of the year I have heavily cut down on meds and on most food and I feel so much better. It is still a struggle to eat but I am getting there.

And I also realised that I was never really sick, most of my symptoms have disappeared with better nutrition including something's that they knew we both had but I was never treated correctly for it.

You see I may not be in the best of health but it was never this bad, had I been left alone or actually treated correctly all of it is manageable but I was corralled into behaving like a sickly weak person which was actually never the truth.
In so many ways I have actively acted like a victim when the issue was never internal but constant and external stress and was unwilling to come to term with the fact that my family is abusive. And with the perfect image they projected I knew I will not be believed.


Now I need to figure out (since I still can't go NC) how to block whatever they say.
I always feel drained after talking to them even if the conversation is normal.

I wanted to post this since I figured some of you might have gone through the same things.

I really don't understand what's up with taking from someone else's plate while your own is full.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! Sorry you had to find us and glad you did!
Have you checked out the Toolbox tab for suitable ideas on how to interact with your family?

[tragedy or hope]

Bella,
Love your choice of screen name.  You know it means "beautiful?"
My, what has been done to you reeks of control. So sorry for the uninvited attention on you physically.

Please read, read, read if you can from this site and also the book Out of the FOG. You can get it on the web as an electronic book. No need for them to know you are reading it.

What helps me a lot is to compare what I am hearing and experiencing with what I have read about PD behaviors. In my mind I am evaluating the situation while they are doing their thing. This gives me a sense of control since I am no longer subjecting myself to their thoughts but now have me own on the subject and their behavior.

There is lots of good info on this site. Welcome. I hope today is the beginning of change for you.

[treesgrowslowly]

Welcome Bella,

I am also glad you found this site.

I agree with the first two replies. I can't say it any better than they already did!

I remember asking the questions you are asking. I had one parent who was controlling but they were often able to make it look like we were having a normal conversation. I would then feel awful for a day or even a week afterwards. Realizing it is a huge step and there are some good things that will come to you as you detach from them psychologically.

See you on the boards.

Trees

[GentleSoul]

Hello Bella

Sorry for this exhausting issue in your life.  I was branded "fat" by my mum when I was a teen.  She was deeply horrible to me about it.  I ended up with anorexia. 

Later in life, I discovered it was actually all about her and her distorted thinking.  I was not fat,  I have photos.  I was an average sized teen.  Boys had started showing me attention at the time.  A counsellor I went to suggested my mum was jealous of this attention so used weight as a weapon against me to take out her anger.

[Bella]

I am good, somewhat it's funny how long it took to realise that so I know I have still a lot of work parsing what is mine and what is not then getting rid of that. But it's going ok.

[Bella]

Thank you for your answers.