Email has set off a panic attack!

[MrsArmitage]

I've not posted here for such a long time that I've forgotten all my account details and have had to set up a new one! Anyway - a quick run down - colleague became a flat mate- turned nasty ( threats of violence, gaslighting etc) moves out, still works at same place. I've had as little contact as possible and for 10 years he's given me the silent treatment. I've given him very little thought until a completely innocuous email from work revealed where he and his gf live, and it's very near me. And I reacted by having a panic attack! I don't want to know where he lives, and I wish I could forget what I saw in the email. I've found the lockdown hard because we have to have video meetings so I'm forced to confront him being in my flat again, albeit 'virtually'.  I feel like I've lost my safe space, and that I have to avoid part of town to avoid seeing him. Help me calm down please!

[Starboard Song]

First of all, congratulations.

It sounds like you've done a really good job for quite a long while, moving on and getting busy with those who reliably love you. That's taken a lot of strength. I'm sorry -- particularly in this ambient stress level of the quarantine -- you are suddenly confronted with this person so close.

I cannot offer any real tactics or tricks. But I can tell you that you aren't alone. Each package mailed from my MIL to my DS, though destroyed unopened, fills me with the desire to argue them into good sense. Seeing the residence of this person and his gf, seeing him on zoom meetings in your own home, is bound to hurt. So take a moment to acknowledge that your reaction is not weakness: it is humanity.

Be good.

[MrsArmitage]

Thank you, those were the kind of calming words I needed to hear! I've spent so much of the last decade actively avoiding situations where I might see him, and erasing all traces of him from my home. You're right about the constant low level of background stress caused by the lockdown too; and  all my coping mechanisms like going to the gym have gone. I'm dreading the next video meeting tomorrow, I don't want him seeing my home, I don't want to know where he lives, and I don't want to have to look at him. It's all rather unfortunate that our boss is his best friend!

I'm going to go on a ver long walk to try to decompress!

[TurkeyGirl]

Hi MrsArmitage!

It's been a while, but I'm just now catching up. Your reaction is completely understandeable, and I'm sorry this person is still in your life. Have you ever had proper therapy for what happened? That might be a step you can still take.

You have been so, so strong (and still are). This person has no more power over you, and I hope this is still how you feel. Sending my love.