Any books for me?

[Movinaway]

I know that I am doing the right thing. Being alone after eighteen years is not easy, but staying is harder.I am Raw with anger from this experience.I used to have much more patience with people in the past, but it is gone.From being the failed voice of reason for my BPD Ex I am wore out.From having a ill parent to a BPD partner to this Covid 19 thing I don't know where to turn but this forum. I have been watching the Shrink 4 Men vids by Dr. Tara Palmatier and they are helpful. When I was a toddler my 19 year old Brother was killed in an auto accident, and my Mother became an alchoholic as a result. I grew up in the shadow of my Brothers death, and Mom was neglectful of me, she drank untill I was 21 years old.I always tried to "keep everything" from my parents and grew up without much guidance. I was molested by an older boy when I was 10 and shouldered that myself.  i got caught up in drugs, quit school and always endured pain by myself, because I did not want my parents see me suffer.When I met my BPD partner (After the love bomb stage) I stayed because I think I was conditioned to put others first before my own well being.My Mom was unavailable emotionally so my BPD ex was a perfect fit..