First NC Birthday

[gcj07a]

Tomorrow is my birthday and it will be my first birthday being NC with my uBPM. My birthday is special to me because it was the one day each year that m could get her head out of her rear long enough to give me love. She would bake this quite delicious strawberry cake. She started this when I was a kid and, 30 years later, she still bakes it every year. Except not this year because I'm NC. And for some reason I want that cake SO BADLY right now, like it is a stand in for m or something, the one evidence of her love for me. I asked DW to see if she could find the recipe, but my f (he and m are divorced) doesn't have it and en-sis did not feel "comfortable" asking m for the recipe. Anyhow, I'm boohooing about this cake. But, of course, its not REALLY about the cake. I have a session with a new T today who specializes in C-PTSD and trauma generally. Hoping that helps. Thanks for being there whenever I'm struggling!

[Maxtrem]

In my opinion, it's sounds like nostalgia, although there were some good times with your mother and your birthday was one of them. Maybe it's part of mourning for the mother you wish you had. And at that event, you were seeing the mother you wish you had (even just for 1 day). And the cake is a trigger.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Happy birthday to you gcj! Enjoy your day tomorrow and remember to be kind to yourself. I think it is alright to have good memories with our parent and to reflect upon those times we felt happy. Along with that, I also think it is important to acknowledge the progress you have made toward healing and honoring who you are as a person. When you get to this point, it seems to frequently be accompanied with a clearer understanding of your value as an individual and an ability to see your own unique talents. I hope this birthday brings to you a fuller appreciation of all the great things that make you, you.

[WinterStar]

My parents also made an effort on my birthday. It was the one day each year that I had a voice and was allowed to have what I wanted.

Years ago when my mom married her current husband, she wanted to make plans to celebrate his birthday and mine together since they happen in the same month. I was so angry that I was being asked to give up the only day where anything was ever about me. I just stopped celebrating my birthday with my FOO at that point.

Now I keep the tradition of doing what I want alive by spending it with my FOC, picking a low key activity and having my favorite cookies since I prefer them to cake.

I don't know how much you're a fan of that strawberry cake. Is it your favorite treat or is there actually something you enjoy more so that you can start a new tradition with that? Starting new traditions that I get to choose with my FOC has helped me a lot in dealing with the loss of my FOO.

[gcj07a]

Thanks Maxtrem, I think that is spot on. And Blueberry, I really appreciate it!

Winterstar, I actually did just that! I called my grandmother (F's side) and got her delightful recipe for an ice cream peanut butter pie. I really wanted something that was not cake and would not make those associations for me. Going to spend the day laying around with my DW and my kids doing nothing. And I'm really excited about it!