Looks like they found us

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Call Me Cordelia

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Looks like they found us
« on: August 13, 2020, 11:10:29 AM »
My fatherís cousins have our address. My DH warned me through informed delivery a hand-addressed letter was coming from them today. Crap. When I went NC I left no forwarding information to anyone in the family. These particular cousins I havenít communicated with in about 10 years.

 :pissed: :pissed: :pissed:

 :sharkbait:

:bawl: :bawl: :bawl:

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SunnyMeadow

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Re: Looks like they found us
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2020, 11:27:38 AM »
Oh no! They have an address detective in their house.  :roll: Probably pretty proud that they kept digging until they found the address of people who don't want to hear from them.

Have you decided how you're going to handle this letter?

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Call Me Cordelia

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Re: Looks like they found us
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2020, 03:56:05 PM »
All it was was a notification of THEIR new address. Not a personal letter. No response needed at all. But I can only imagine they got my address through my parents. All the swears. I feel a little more vulnerable, now, but I guess it was only a matter of time. I guess now Iím warned. And I can stop wondering if the nice people who live in our old place are going to have to deal with an ambush at some point. :upsidedown:

But it all still is rather unpleasant. I wish there just wasnít any connection to my FOO, I could simply forget they exist, and live my life.

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lotusblume

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Re: Looks like they found us
« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2020, 12:16:05 AM »
O gosh I am dreading that happening to me too.

How did they find it? Iím so sorry!!! 😐

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JustKathy

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Re: Looks like they found us
« Reply #4 on: August 14, 2020, 08:21:49 PM »
Ugh, I'm so sorry they found you. I'm still shocked over the way my parents found my address.

When I was younger, my enFather had gifted my brother and I with a magazine subscription that he automatically renewed every year. When I went NC with him I called the magazine and had him removed from the account. Then I ghosted. I moved to another state and gave the magazine a change of address but didn't renew when the subscription ended. At some point my father called the magazine and offered to reactivate the subscription. The sales rep was so happy to get the $18 subscription back that she took his money and gave him my address.

I called the sales manager at the magazine and let them have it, but it was too late. It's scary how easy it is to get someone's address these days.

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nanotech

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Re: Looks like they found us
« Reply #5 on: August 14, 2020, 11:02:07 PM »
 Mine all have my address, but itís simpler for me-because thereís a lot of Ďpunishment by ignoringí.
 Now that Iíve stopped fawning, they donít know how to change that pattern and try and come and see me.  Iíve been here for several years. They live in another town.
Only my dad gets into my home. And thatís my choice entirely. No one else has tried to visit. (Deep down they are weak)
Suits me beautifully.

You have a right to live your life in peace. They may know your address but they are not welcome or invited. Such people are trespassers if they were to arrive. Your home  is your castle and your drawbridge is up. Your threshold is unassailable.


« Last Edit: August 14, 2020, 11:05:56 PM by nanotech »

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Call Me Cordelia

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Re: Looks like they found us
« Reply #6 on: August 15, 2020, 02:25:51 PM »
JustKathy wow thatís crafty. And ballsy. I am not brazen enough to pull off not knowing my own daughterís address and acting like itís perfectly fine to be getting it that way.

If cousins know it probably my parents do, too and they were the source. I barely know these cousins and I cannot imagine them going to any extraordinary effort to track me down or be FMs. But I donít know anything for certain. Just that I got this thing in the mail with my new address handwritten on it. :doh:

Thank you for that, nano. You are right. I know in my head everything you say is true.

I do feel fear though.

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practical

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Re: Looks like they found us
« Reply #7 on: August 15, 2020, 02:36:06 PM »
But it all still is rather unpleasant. I wish there just wasnít any connection to my FOO, I could simply forget they exist, and live my life.
Sorry about your address being found, it is an Invasion of your privacy you have rebuilt so carefully.

Unfortunately it seems impossible not to have some connection to FOO in my experience - even when you are NC and they don't know where you live - because there are always memories, thoughts. As much as I have tried to evict them from my brain, they reappear every so often in my thoughts and dreams. Much less than when I was in contact with them, still, like you I wish there wasn't any connection.
ďIf Iím not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Iím only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when?Ē (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

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Andeza

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Re: Looks like they found us
« Reply #8 on: August 15, 2020, 04:50:02 PM »
Hey CMC, just wanted to add that it's actually possible they didn't get your address from anyone you know. A lot of stuff is public record these days, and readily available online. Many counties have a search function that will tell you who currently owns a house, etc. Also, Google is always willing to help unfortunately.

I think the only way to be certain no one can find you is to go witness protection level. New name, New social, New address, cut all old ties. But I doubt many of us are willing to go to that level of extreme and be ninjas.  :ninja: