Snooping OK?

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Mary

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Snooping OK?
« on: March 31, 2020, 02:20:43 AM »
Sometimes I snoop on my uNPDh's text messages and emails. Is this Godly, or should I stop and trust God to defend me?

In doing this I found out he had quit taking his blood pressure med and was able to encourage him to start again. I learned he had signed his teaching contract for another year when he had been telling me he was likeky going to quit. I learned his mom is encouraging him to open a secret savings account and that she is pushing him to get me on depression meds (I obliged him and got tested...was told to see a psychologist about living with someone with a PD vs meds), etc.

Still, I know God is my shield and by the golden rule I would NOT want him snooping on me.
Thanks,
Mary
For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. (Isaiah 54:5)

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Cascade

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Re: Snooping OK?
« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2020, 03:40:57 AM »
That’s a really tough question to answer. In a healthy marriage there would be no need to read his emails or text messages.  In a marriage where things are kept from you that should be shared, I think it’s okay to “snoop.” That’s just my opinion, speaking as someone who has a husband that shares too little with me.

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Adria

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Re: Snooping OK?
« Reply #2 on: April 01, 2020, 05:15:35 PM »
I think in a healthy marriage emails and texts would be available to both parties at all times.

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tragedy or hope

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Re: Snooping OK?
« Reply #3 on: April 02, 2020, 03:54:18 PM »
Wow!
If I had to show all my emails, I would be in a heap of disordered behavior. I often email the one friend I have who understands undph. I try to delete them and I tell her to delete the contents after reading, sometimes when she emails back... it could be disastrous.

I have several email accounts. i don't even use them all. i am living with someone who hoovers. I have to be discreet. I want privacy. I will find a way to get it no matter what. right now this is the only way.

I think it okay to look. I try not to as it only causes me more pain in the end. Eventually his "sin" will find him out. I already know I can't really trust his perception of the world. even that is unnerving.

I say do what you have to do to make your life more serene, If it means looking.... look. You be the judge of your own world and ways. If you really KNOW in your heart it is wrong don't do it. it's all up to you. No one else is in your shoes. God knows your situation.

Whoever made the rule not to "snoop" was probably someone who wanted to hide something and wasn't good at it. We can hide what we want to hide and leave available those things we would not mind our partner finding.

Remember, disordered personalities are always scheming, manipulating... in a slow determined kind of way. I would be depressed too with the lying.

What they don't want us to see... we will not see.

Just my 2 cents.  :unsure:
"When people show you who they are, believe them."
~Maya Angelou

Believe it the first time, or you will spend the rest of your life in disbelief of what they can/will do; to you.

Family systems are like spider webs. It takes years to get untangled and you still have bits of web on you. T or H

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GentleSoul

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Re: Snooping OK?
« Reply #4 on: April 02, 2020, 04:23:39 PM »
I am sorry you are in the position of needing to do this.  This information should be freely shared.

I think God understands and wouldn't judge you for it.

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Snooping OK?
« Reply #5 on: May 10, 2020, 12:28:00 PM »
In a healthy marriage two conditions would simultaneously exist.  There would be no need to snoop and at the sale time snooping would cause no harm. 

The OPs snooping revealed a carreer decision is being lied about.  The spouse is confiding in the mother more than the wife and conspiring against the wife.   The non wofe is being lied to and possibly manilulated. Money is to be held secrwtly at the same time as its employment source is being lied about.

This is not a healthy marriage and may be "war". 

So as others habe said feeling a need to snoop os a bad sign.