My sister used to show me terrifying brutal videos

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iwillrise

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My sister used to show me terrifying brutal videos
« on: May 20, 2020, 09:28:07 AM »
I'm 19 year old, my mother is a crazy screaming narcissist. My eldest brother abused me for 8 years straight, from the age of 11 until now, he was 22 when I was 11. The second brother is 28, he abused me horribly, too. My dad passed away 2 years ago, I had no any relationship with him, my Nmother brainwashed me and my siblings to hate him, and she passively abused him everyday.

My sister is very identified with my narcissistic mother, in fact, they are like spouses. When I try to talk to my sister, my mother instantly appears, when I try to talk to my mother, my sister instantly appears. My sister is a doctor, she is a working in a psychiatrist hospital right now.

When I was 12 or 13, my sister (who was 20 or 21) (she was in her second year of medicine school), used to call me, and then show me very brutal videos that made my heart sink.

They scared me very much, I developed a fear of ghosts and I started doing compulsive things. At that time(and until now) I had pretty bad anxiety.

What is up with that?! She was in her second or third year at medicine school, she obviously knew that this is a very wrong thing to do not  just to a child, but to anyone. She is even working in a psychiatrist hospital now, is this a joke? The memories of those videos still haunt me until this day.

I think she is a very covert narcissist, I think she was trying to murder my soul somehow so I don't get to compete with her, (you know, Nmoms set their children up to compete with each other).

The weird thing is, I remember her calling me in the same way at that same age, but this time, she showed me a motivational video. WTF?! What is wrong with this person?! Didn't she see a difference between horrifying videos and motivational videos?! Or was she trying to manipulate my memory so that I don't remember what she showed me?

After the age of 13 she never showed me stuff like that, she meddled in my university degree choices though, and actually convinced me to pursue civil engineering. It was a very bad choice, I trusted her at that time, I thought and believed that she wanted the best for me. I was so depressed for a whole semester, before I change the degree. She used to drive me to the university. I remember one time in the car she pointed out that hospitals in our country are now readier for suicide conditions. At that time, I pondered: "readier", how and why would hospitals be more ready for accepting suicide cases?! I think this was just a carefully manipulated lie to get me locked in the hospital for being depressed and suicidal.

Are we dealing with a malignant covert narcissist here? She is very convincing though, she gave me a gift for my birthday, and she doesn't act crazy like my Mmom.
« Last Edit: May 21, 2020, 08:32:28 AM by Spring Butterfly »

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Catwalker

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Re: My sister used to show me terrifying brutal videos
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2020, 05:45:26 AM »
Your sister is a narcissist too. What your mother and sister have is called Enmeshment.  And covert or emotional incest. ( HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX )  ( research both terms thoroughly)
Your father was in best case a codependent enabler but most likely a covert narcissist too. Your brothers definitely narcissist too  Probably malignant. I hope those fuckers rot in hell one day.

It does NOT matter how educated or how high IQ a narcissist is, THEY will always be a narcissist. A doctor or a psychiatrist can be a narcissist.

And yes, your sister knows exactly what she is doing. That's why she does it.

Listen a few things I'm gonna need you to NEVER EVER FORGET ANYMORE:
A narc will ALWAYS be a narc.  That means: never trust them.  They DONT love you. ( I know this sounds hard, but it is the truth )
Everything they do with/ too/ for you is ONLY to benefit themselves. It's never for you.
SABOTAGING YOU makes them feel better. If they can do it, they will do it.
Examples are your sister showing you the movies. Or talking you into a wrong education.

These terms you must also look up:
- dysfunctional family roles
-golden child , scapegoat ( YOU are the scapegoat.  This child is there so the rest of the family can keep up the lie of normality ( for the world, for themselves ) because everything is dumped and blamed on that child.
And that child is often abused by narcissistic siblings too. Like you.

When I say look up I mean : read, read, read, read, research, research , research KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. YOU WILL RECOGNIZE WHY, WHAT, HIW, WHERE, WHEN ETC. It helps you to protect yourself.

Your family is VERY VERY VERY toxic and dangerous. GET OUT OF THERE AS FAST AS YOU CAN.  Is there anyone you can trust. ( grandparents are almost 100% likely to be narcissistic, borderliners or alcoholics too. I wouldn't trust them. Narcissism is GENERATIONAL.  The abused child, becomes the abuser,  creates another generation. Etc etc.

Every now and then a scapegoated child or a lost child gets to escape, heals themselves and stops creating new generations.
I was the lost child in my family of 7 ( the rest all narc or borderliners )
You are the one that's gonna get away. :)
But its gonna be very very tough.

You REALLY need to get away from that house and your evil bitch sister ( I hope she rots in hell too )
I mean it. Is there a place, friend, niece, aunt... or something you can go too? 
You also need some back up from a good therapist or counselor. They MUST specialize in narcissism tho, most therapists are VERY bad in recognizing and treating this disorder and people that are victims.
If the person that helps you says you should bring a family member to counselling ( even if it's a psychiatrist or a doctor)  NEVER EVER do this. Since most dont recognize narcissist, they can end up believing the narcissist OVER you. ( that would be ABUSE towards you )

If you cannot get out, is there maybe a guidance counselor at school or something you can trust?

DONT TELL YOUR FAMILY you know they are narcs/ you have counselling/ you are researching etc etc.

Remember, they are 100% EVIL. They will sabotage you if they know. DONT SHARE PERSONAL STUFF EVER again with them.
DONT FORGET THEY ARE ALWAYS EVIL.
Never ever believe them.

YOUR SISTER IS NOT YOUR BOSS. IF SHE WANTS YOU TO DO ANYTHING: YOU DON'T HAVE TOO. This may feel weird too you, because you are WIRED and GROOMED since birth by them, to do as they please.

Do you have a family doctor you can tell about the abuse from your brothers ? ( and the rest of your family ) He can help you and he is FORBIDDEN to tell anything too your family (if they would ask )

I made it out alive :) I'm doing very well. All the hardship made me strong, tough and wise.  I haven't seen my family for years and years and years ( THANK GOD ! )
I hope you will one day find the courage to cut them out too.
Yes, it is a little bit lonely without family, BUT its soooo much better than living with evil backstabbers.

If I can do this, YOU can do this.

I'm very worried about you because your family is VERY abusive.
Please find help somewhere. And again study study research research. And that doesn't mean: read it once and know it. No you have to read again and again and more and more. Its complicated. Until you know it...then it's clear as hell. I've been studying psychology for 20 years now and I smell a narc from miles and they have nothing on me. I find them predictable. That is because they are.  So that's why you have to study ( it's their manual )

On YouTube videos of the little shaman may be helpful.

I hope this is helpful. I read this more or less by accident ( ok, to be honest I was procrastinating online haha ) when I saw your post I had to react, so made an account.
My heart goes out to you. You can do this. BUT you have to fight for it. Fight for yourself. YOU DESERVE PEACE, LOVE AND HAPPINESS.

Greetings from the Netherlands. 🇳🇱🇳🇱🇳🇱
I believe in you.

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iwillrise

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Re: My sister used to show me terrifying brutal videos
« Reply #2 on: July 19, 2020, 08:32:35 PM »
@Catwalker
Thank you so much for replying. Sorry for not replying back early, I posted this a while a go and no one answered, so I just left it for a while and today only I went back to see it.
I agree it is very dangerous. I know that I have depression, I know that I occasionally used to be suicidal.
I thank God because next month I will have a scholarship for a university in a neighbouring country. This is how I will escape.
I appreciate your reading recommendations. I have been doing a lot this year and it opened my mind.
Again, thank you for taking your time replying and for your concern.