big fight last night

[losingmyself]

We are remodeling our small bathroom, trying to get it done before DD's graduation. H was working inside and I was trying unsuccessfully to mow the lawn, the lawnmowers didn't want to run right, so there's another thing he has to do.
I went inside to see if I could help him, and held the flashlight and drill for him when he needed it. I handed the drill to him, and he didn't like the way I held it, so he got angry. He grabbed my wrist really hard and wrenched it to show me how I was holding it wrong, with that really angry look in his eyes. I said "oww!" and put everything down and said I'm not going to do this. He yelled, but I kept going. I heard crashes down there but didn't think anything of it. Then he came upstairs yelling about how I stormed off, stomping my feet, throwing a fit. I said I'm not going to work like that, and you hurt me. He would not accept that he hurt me, he said everything hurts me, I get brushed by a feather and say ow. I said so you're just dismissing the fact that you hurt me. He said "Well, I better see a bruise tomorrow" like there needs to be proof that it hurt. I said so it doesn't hurt unless you give me a bruise? Nice.
Later, I went downstairs and he had thrown the light bulbs. broken one. Talk about having a fit. I went upstairs and said "Did you throw the light bulbs??" No answer. I am not cleaning them up.
So, ST, and pouting the rest of the night. I don't care.
I mean seriously, I was in the house for 2 minutes. Came in to help if I could.

[Starboard Song]

Oh dear. I am so sorry.

De-escalation tactics are the burden of the righteous. These tactics often feel like capitulation, because the primary tactic is to be oriented to the other person's point of view. But it is not capitulation: it is less noise, less confrontation, less anger. That is a win.

Please be careful. I wish you so much good strength.

[1footouttadefog]

This sounds dangerous to me.  Be careful and watch for signs of escalation. Have a plan to leave if needed.

The devaluing here is tremendous. He has expressed a write to hurt you. It does not count as hurt unless he deems it so. Unprovoked anger and violence, breaking household property in rage. 

Be careful stay safe.  Domestic violence is a reality for you. Now it's a matter of how bad it might get.

[Bowsy26]

Losingmyself:  It cab be easy to dismiss the PD's aggression, so please be careful.  My H's psychiatrist told me (after H had assaulted me) that H knew exactly what he was doing and that he uses only as much force as he needs to in order to get his way.   This seems to be a common trait among abusers, and their degree of aggression increases over time.  Have an escape plan and don't ignore any escalation you notice. 

And good on you for walking away and not helping after he chose to use physical force when he was upset.  You set a boundary and stuck to it. 

[losingmyself]

I'm sure that tonight when he comes home from work he'll find a way to play the victim. Standard response. I treat him like shit.
Not buying it, mister