Controlling, even tried to control ds hiccups

[11JB68]

Ds22 occasionally gets really stubborn hiccups. Uocpdh even has a need to try to control this.
But coerces me to do it as his proxy.
Go in there and make him try that, or this, or x y z...
Drives me nuts.
In my mind it will only make it worse... The stress of having someone over you doing that!
Uocpdh claims it hurts HIM physically to hear ds hiccuping like that...
???

[Andeza]

I don't know if you've watched Star Wars or not, but it seems that your H is trying to pull an evil Emperor move here. He wants you to say, like Vader "What is your bidding, my master?"

Yup. Wants to use you like an extension of his will, and control the things that he himself cannot control. But darn it! Somehow you ought to be able to right?! Lol, no.

I know what I'd tell him. "Oh well." Then go back to whatever it was I was doing.

[Free2Bme]

If this wasn't so sad, it would be funny.  The absurdity. 

Violent hiccuping runs in my family (females), sounds silly but it's true.  They are uncomfortable and embarrassing ! 

I would be inclined to tell H if he expects a child to control an involuntary body function, then as an adult, H should be able to control his irritation to the hiccuping. 

Seems their radar is always looking for something new to micromanage. 

I would make light of it for DS sake and ignore H if possible.

[Wilderhearts]

11J, I actually gasped in horror a little when I read that first statement.  This is just a different level of psychological abuse to me.  It's abhorrent to shame and abuse a child for something over which they have no control - it would be like not allowing a child to use the bathroom, then ridiculing, shaming, and berating them when they wet themselves.  No wonder he wants you to do the dirty work for him.

I would be inclined to tell H if he expects a child to control an involuntary body function, then as an adult, H should be able to control his irritation to the hiccuping. 

 
While there was a good chance that I'd be met with an explosion of DARVO if I ever told my former uOCPD roommate she wasn't managing her emotions at all, this would be so satisfying to say.  So on point.

I would make light of it for DS sake and ignore H if possible.

Probably the less inflammatory option...maybe a chuckle sneaking through grey rock followed by a "...No." is a good middle ground.  I've used that in response to some crazy making requests from OCPD neighbour, and also a woman I worked with who was very emotionally volatile (possibly BPD) who tried to bait me in a belittling way.  It is satisfying, and it has never fuelled JADE'ing for me.

[PeanutButter]

Ds22 occasionally gets really stubborn hiccups. Uocpdh even has a need to try to control this.
But coerces me to do it as his proxy.
Go in there and make him try that, or this, or x y z...
Drives me nuts.
In my mind it will only make it worse... The stress of having someone over you doing that!
Uocpdh claims it hurts HIM physically to hear ds hiccuping like that...
???

My ubpd/uspdM did this to me all of my life any time I burped.
I did not ever do it on purpose. Yet that is how she reacted. She didn't like it. I sounded bad. It made her disgusted.
These were normal involuntary burps. Not loud, not at the table, and single burps, not successive burps.
I told her repeatedly that I could not make myself burp if I wanted to. I have never been able to burp at will. That did not matter. It was so bad that when I burp even now I am triggered by it.

[11JB68]

Just to be clear...ds is 22 years old... Not a child... Idk if that makes it better or not (maybe on some level worse for a parent to try to control an adult son??)... But just wanted to clarify.
To me it's the same pathology where we are not considered separate from uocpdh. He has such a Compulsive need to control everyone and everything in his world.

[SparkStillLit]

Dh used to do very similar stuff with DD, up until she joined the Army, and even now he still tries to wind it up about her, even though she is ENTIRELY out of our sphere. Oh, he misses her and he's proud of her, she's an awesome woman, but he picks apart what she says in her letters and her very few very short calls, and tries to wind up over stuff.
I MC that hard core.
I just checked fluids in and started & drove her truck around the neighborhood because nobody has touched it since she left. (She'd be pissed if she knew nobody was looking after it. DS is going to drive it, she isn't thrilled!). I'm sure I'll hear from DH how I did that all wrong or was stupid about it some way.

[PeanutButter]

Imo once we become adults doesn't change anything. Its just more of the same.The difference being that we can walk away. Which alot of us have.