Emotionally exhausted

[Smoke96547]

I have been having a relationship for several years with a person who exhibits a paranoid personality disorder. She has flip-flopped between love and hate for me for the entire duration of our relationship. I really didn't know what was going on a first as I am sure you can all imagine. She drank a lot as well and I couldn't be sure if it was the alcohol or what.

She has accused me of having relationships with other women (one in particular) during the tenure of our relationship. I haven't. I have been completely faithful the entire time. She has physically and emotionally abused me. She has tormented me and my family. No matter how I have tried to reassure her or reason with her, it's been to no avail. Everything I've said has fallen on deaf ears. She sees relationships between unrelated coincidences. She says that these things are evidence that I have been lying to her about my fidelity. I am at my wits end. I have no one to turn to or talk to. She doesn't understand that I have an emotional investment in this relationship. During the good times, the relationship is incredible. The love we have and show each other is unparalleled. During the bad times (during her spells, as I call it), things are nothing short of hellish. I don't know what to do. Can anyone relate to ANY of this?

Thanks all.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome Smoke! Sounds like you are in a really difficult relationship. Have you checked out the Personality disorders tab? This might help you to get a better idea what you are dealing with. Also check out the Toolbox tab for some strategies to employ when your partner is in her spells. My favourite one is medium chill - there is also grey rock. As you are being accused of something you did not do, you might want to look at JADE and the setting of boundaries as well. See you around on the boards!

[StarLightStarBright]

I can definitely relate to this. Especially the ups and downs. I've never felt in such bliss as I was with him. Complete bliss. But it was like I couldn't get through to him emotionally. Or at least not consistently.

I found this on psychology today that made sense to me. Maybe it might somehow ring true for you. It's called "What to Do About the People Who Blame You for Everything"

It's about blame and having to deal with someone attributing negative character attributes to us that are untrue, in your case infidelity. And how to withstand under it.

For me, I left last week. Heartbroken. He asked me to leave (for the third time) and this time I did it. I took him up on it. Everyone says it was the right thing, but it feels more like a mistake right now in my sadness and devastation over the end. I hope maybe it is the fog that is keeping me down, and I just can't see clearly.

I'm also not well-networked. I have wondered if I'm an avoidant personality type myself.

But there are these little fleeting moments when I get a glimpse of my future self in a happy relationship with a future faceless partner. And how that might feel like. It feels good to be loved and supported. But most of the time I feel hopeless.

I wish you the best.

[Truffledog]

youtube
-Codependency is a Symptom of Narcissistic Family Dynamics/Ross Rosenberg and Lisa A Romano Discuss

-Coping with Narcissists. Numb, Disconnected & Dissociatied. Trauma & Codependency Recovery. Romano

-Lisa Romano & I Talking About Self-Love Deficit / Codependency Recovery & Narcissism Abuse Recovery



I find Lisa helpful ... if your head is spinning try her mindfulness meditation ... I may be off the mark with your own situation/ both of yours but I was in a painful relationship breakup years ago ... it was a rollercoaster ... after a lifetime of it ... drawn back to the same unhealthy intense energies ... wish I knew more about concepts and insights like these ...esp self love deficit disorder  ... this aint easy but you may need to think NC .... we have but one life .... we need to fuckin live it ... excuse my french

[Truffledog]

ohh sorry ... and good luck