Wanting things NOW!

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nanotech

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Re: Wanting things NOW!
« Reply #20 on: June 01, 2020, 09:15:49 PM »
I have to say that I havenít missed my dad either.
The TV shows other peopleís heartbreak at not seeing  or hugging their elderly parents. When I watch that and listen to the way they talk about their absent parent, I feel just like a wistful kid with my nose pressed to the toy shop window.  I really do.
My dads absence in my life has been a source of calm and relief- Iíve had a break from negotiating the duty roles and I havenít had to deal with him in a restaurant or other public place for quite a while.
I like that loving and caring relationships with elders happens for others tho, even if I canít have it!
My arms really ache for my grandkids, and to hug my two daughters again too. So I feel like I mustnít be like my dad? I hope the pattern of dysfunction has been broken. It helped me that I married a man who is emotionally intelligent and very family minded. Heís aching for all the hugs too. Heís also scared of nothing and no one. I donít know why I wrote that. I guess sometimes my dad still scares me.
« Last Edit: June 01, 2020, 09:20:03 PM by nanotech »

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p123

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Re: Wanting things NOW!
« Reply #21 on: June 02, 2020, 06:58:24 AM »
I have to say that I havenít missed my dad either.
The TV shows other peopleís heartbreak at not seeing  or hugging their elderly parents. When I watch that and listen to the way they talk about their absent parent, I feel just like a wistful kid with my nose pressed to the toy shop window.  I really do.
My dads absence in my life has been a source of calm and relief- Iíve had a break from negotiating the duty roles and I havenít had to deal with him in a restaurant or other public place for quite a while.
I like that loving and caring relationships with elders happens for others tho, even if I canít have it!
My arms really ache for my grandkids, and to hug my two daughters again too. So I feel like I mustnít be like my dad? I hope the pattern of dysfunction has been broken. It helped me that I married a man who is emotionally intelligent and very family minded. Heís aching for all the hugs too. Heís also scared of nothing and no one. I donít know why I wrote that. I guess sometimes my dad still scares me.

Aw glad you've got a nice husband..... Thats so good.

You watch when lockdown ends both of us will be posting on here om how much of a nightmare they're being now. ITs going to be hell!

I've got this feeling, dunno just speaking to him, that when it ends, hes expecting some sort of "catch up". I know he gets jealous of my kids as it is. I dunno but I think hes going to expect me to spend very waking moment with him to catch up on lost time.

Not happening. I'm still working full time. And if he thinks I'm working all week, dumping the wife and kids all weekend and trekking him around in the car hes in for a surprise. He WILL expect this though I know. He expects to be priority number 1 all the time.

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nanotech

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Re: Wanting things NOW!
« Reply #22 on: June 02, 2020, 10:04:13 PM »
I have to say that I havenít missed my dad either.
The TV shows other peopleís heartbreak at not seeing  or hugging their elderly parents. When I watch that and listen to the way they talk about their absent parent, I feel just like a wistful kid with my nose pressed to the toy shop window.  I really do.
My dads absence in my life has been a source of calm and relief- Iíve had a break from negotiating the duty roles and I havenít had to deal with him in a restaurant or other public place for quite a while.
I like that loving and caring relationships with elders happens for others tho, even if I canít have it!
My arms really ache for my grandkids, and to hug my two daughters again too. So I feel like I mustnít be like my dad? I hope the pattern of dysfunction has been broken. It helped me that I married a man who is emotionally intelligent and very family minded. Heís aching for all the hugs too. Heís also scared of nothing and no one. I donít know why I wrote that. I guess sometimes my dad still scares me.

Aw glad you've got a nice husband..... Thats so good.

You watch when lockdown ends both of us will be posting on here om how much of a nightmare they're being now. ITs going to be hell!

I've got this feeling, dunno just speaking to him, that when it ends, hes expecting some sort of "catch up". I know he gets jealous of my kids as it is. I dunno but I think hes going to expect me to spend very waking moment with him to catch up on lost time.

Not happening. I'm still working full time. And if he thinks I'm working all week, dumping the wife and kids all weekend and trekking him around in the car hes in for a surprise. He WILL expect this though I know. He expects to be priority number 1 all the time.
Yes we probably will be posting just that!  My dadís already talked about it is exactly He wants a massive family party. It will be hellish, with all the PDs buzzing round him and the scapegoats sat suffering their glowering triumph apres lockdown!  Iím not telling him yet but I shanít be going. Iíll make up a reason not to. I used to trot along and suffer but for the last couple of years I just havenít turned up. Weíve had two funerals where Iíve had to see them, but then they had to be more polite, and their effect was diluted by my cousins and aunties being there. The extended family are not PDs.
My dad still managed to cause trouble at both funerals. Iíve told those stories elsewhere on here.
I think itís a bit easier for me to squirm out of the taxi duties. Maybe I shouldnít, but I do use my age sometimes to suggest, for instance, that I might not be Ďup toí driving him through a city I donít know well.
He thinks women drivers are inferior anyway,  so it fits his narrative and heís accepted this. I feel a bit guilty using excuses like this and triggering his PD safety fears in order to keep myself off of harsh situations with him, but I know I have to Ď go to the war with the army I have.í
What we could do is just keep Ďvery busy!í
Iíll probably tell him Iím seeing the grandkids lots as well. He never wants to join in with that!