I am tired

[Bella]

I am a bit upset, I am not sure how much because my emotions don't really work as expected.

And I wasn't sure why after such a short conversation but I realise that it's because she knows what she is doing.
I am put in bad situations only for her to mention whatever troubles as if she is a concerned parent weeks after she was supposed to do something to prevent it, then she ask me to run and fix it.
Today she mentioned how things are piling up and she is not in the same country to fix it and the only thing I could think about is how much it has been this past few years.
But of course whatever was meant to prevent it was never done in time and now she acts concerned, and for a minute I wonder maybe she cares.
Whatever show of concern is only expressed after I remind her how little care she has shown lately and suddenly she goes "let me tell you about how much she cares"
The worse is that she has a point. The previous topic was about Carreer and finances and I am so tired.
There is so many things I could have handle better and I could have prepared myself  better but every time I realised what was going on I would forget about soon enough.

I am also worried about what will happen when she realise I am attempting to fix the situation, will she help, will she throw another wrench it the disaster she has made of my life ?
Will giving her credit for the progress enough to ward her off ?
I have absolutely no idea and I am exhausted that I have to think like this about family.

[SaltwareS]

Sorry you're going through this.

"Will giving her credit for the progress enough to ward her off ?"

Defensive thinking is exhausting. I remember realizing how much of my life I had to think of a plan B in case plan A didn't work out. But I'd also had to think of a plan C for plan B, a plan D for C, E for D.

And I remember it dawning on me how much mental space that left over to think of plan A + 1 (the next plan in case plan A *does* work out): almost none. These realizations occurred back in the days where I had a vague sense "my life is running me, I'm not running my life" but later realizing someone in my life is running things too much.

[Bella]

Thank you for your answer, I am figuring it out, it will take time but I will get there.