Siblings having roles as flying monkeys for parent, sending messages to me

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newjuncture

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Has anyone experienced siblings reaching out either as flying monkeys or sending messages that you know are related to your narc parent? How do you respond to a sibling with comments that come like 'are you ok, our parent is concerned about you?' when they clearly know you are fine and using it as an opportunity to get attention from siblings. I have been receiving more messages from one sibling, even with a simple sentence 'how are you' and expressing other concerns.  I have a strong feeling these are influenced by our parent to either make themselves look like the victim or to get siblings on their side.  I am the youngest of all siblings, and in the past, they have never reached out to me the way they have these days. They know what I am up to, and there is no need for concern especially when I have made it clear to them in the past.  So far,  I haven't entertained the idea to return messages because I understand it is to encourage further contact for our parent to get more on their side. But if I don't eventually respond, they could worry more especially during COVID time and use it as a way to call police or create some kind of drama. Its always hard to predict what these types of personalities are up to.  While it doesn't hurt to say I am doing fine, my intuition tells me that wouldn't be the end to the texts.  It would be followed by comments that flying monkeys are usually convinced into asking.  I would like to have some phrases in mind to use that would be helpful and put a stop to it or take some time away in general for a few months. I'm sure I will be receiving more questions soon like 'What aren't you reaching out to our parent?' or 'Why are you not responding to me?' For a while, I was only replying to messages very late at night so they would know I was studying, working hard, and involved in my projects, but that only works for so long.  It would be helpful if any of you have been through this and have any practical or specific suggestions about what worked for you.  I am at the point now I am tired.  I don't want to block any contact because the sibling hasn't really done anything wrong. Also, I like to have the communication open to have a documentation for future use if needed. Thank you.
« Last Edit: May 31, 2020, 12:48:08 AM by newjuncture »

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overitall

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I completely understand your situation...I'm not sure what your relationship with your sibling is, but my first option would be to confront the sibling on boundaries....Even though you say your sibling has not done anything, they are participating in behavior that is hurting you...I have found that PD parents will go to all means to obtain information on those of us who are NC...

I'm not sure if you are completely NC with your parents or not...I vacillated between semi-NC and NC for many years until I went full NC...when I went full NC I quit responding to EVERYTHING...I didn't care if they worried and I realized that I had to stop responding...any response at all will trigger another response and it goes on and on...

My sister would tell me she understood my boundaries, but I realized later that she fed my PD parents all kinds of information about me...job, house, pets, activities, etc.  I was furious, but the damage was done...it took me some years and several attempts to get her to stop before I went completely NC with her as well...

For me, the buildup to NC was worse than the NC...once I went completely NC the stress and anxiety disappeared.  I longer worried about what they said or thought because I was done...If you want to continue your relationship with your sibling you'll need to establish boundaries and prepare yourself for the next step if your boundaries are ignored.

I hope this helps...