Guilt trip by a five year old

  • 7 Replies
  • 341 Views
*

Adrianna

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 712
Guilt trip by a five year old
« on: June 02, 2020, 03:50:37 PM »
So this just happened.

Was sitting outside at my grandmothers house. Reminder sheís in the nursing home. Iíve been living here remodeling it in my spare time. She has a retired couple across the street, no doubt flying monkeys, who have helped my grandmother plenty through the years.

Always defended her selfish behavior.
Always said thatís just how people get when they are old.
Always gave me this underlying feeling that I wasnít doing enough for my grandmother.
Would never consider her behavior abusive.
Felt guilty if they couldnít live up to her unreasonable demands.

Backstory the woman was likely raised by a narcissist, so she saw my grandmotherís behavior as normal. Grew up with it. He was manipulative and selfish, yet she fed him dinner every night. She is someone who would put her own life on hold to the point of being abused and taken for granted and would thinks thatís the way EVERYONE should be.

I always sensed that she and her husband both disapproved of my unwillingness )which was really inability) to properly serve and cater to my grandmother. Not only did I have my grandmotherís verbal accusations that I didnít do enough, I had this gut wrenching feeling from these neighbors that she was right, I didnít do enough. I should be more selfless like them. They think Iím selfish and should be over there more catering to her because sheís old.

Well got confirmation today.

Their great grandson whoís like 5 started chatting and said

ďOh youíre her granddaughter? My papa used to help her a lot because you didnít do enough for her. You werenít over here very often.Ē

So yeah, obviously Iím seen as awful.

Flying monkeys.

At least I got confirmation of what they really think of me which I knew all along.

Too bad people normalize abuse and in so doing, encourage it by making the victim feel like itís their fault. If I had tried to live up to their standards of what a good granddaughter should do, I probably would be in jail, dead or in a mental institution from literally killing myself to please someone who can never be pleased. That someone canít recognize when another person is suffering abuse is the sad consequence of generational narcissism. Itís normal to them. You suck it up and do what they want.

Sick.






Practice an attitude of gratitude.

*

Starboard Song

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • 2579
  • Be good. Be strong.
Re: Guilt trip by a five year old
« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2020, 05:49:58 PM »
I've seen it.

We have a young child who is in touch with my in-laws, and he's accidentally shared their worldview with us.

You've gotten a window into their world.
Radical Acceptance, by Brach   |   Self-Compassion, by Neff    |   Mindfulness, by Williams   |   The Book of Joy, by the Dalai Lama and Tutu
Healing From Family Rifts, by Sichel   |  Stop Walking on Egshells, by Mason    |    Emotional Blackmail, by Susan Forward

*

nanotech

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 531
Re: Guilt trip by a five year old
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2020, 09:39:52 PM »
Well whatever they ĎthinkĎ ( and who cares because what do they know?), they should NOT bitch in front of their child. Wow, a rather smug and  self-righteous pair I think. Dear me.
 Your grandmotherís waifdom has appealed to that ĎrescuingĎ side of their nature. There are some people who carry out charitable acts in order just to feel good about themselves, and to act superior to others.
Yuk.

*

GettingOOTF

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1678
Re: Guilt trip by a five year old
« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2020, 09:44:36 PM »
This is such a great example of how these things are inter generational and why itís so hard to break the cycle.

*

Free2Bme

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 306
Re: Guilt trip by a five year old
« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2020, 05:17:41 AM »
Sad when people can't allow for a perspective/experience different than their own.

I would have been tempted to tell the little boy that your grandmother has spiders for pets and eats little children for breakfast.   :yahoo:
Let him go and report that back to the neighbors.

*

Adrianna

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 712
Re: Guilt trip by a five year old
« Reply #5 on: June 03, 2020, 07:22:40 AM »
Well whatever they ĎthinkĎ ( and who cares because what do they know?), they should NOT bitch in front of their child. Wow, a rather smug and  self-righteous pair I think. Dear me.
 Your grandmotherís waifdom has appealed to that ĎrescuingĎ side of their nature. There are some people who carry out charitable acts in order just to feel good about themselves, and to act superior to others.
Yuk.

Yes that pretty much sums it up, self righteous. Couldnít find the words in my head but there they are.

They always had so much compassion and sympathy for my grandmother and none for me, even when she had me in tears, which they witnessed.  My grandmother has another flying monkey right now who was visiting her in nursing home (before shutdown). He is an extended family member, retired priest, who barely interacted with her. Now that sheís in a nursing home feeding him her garbage about how awful I am, he has not reached out to me even once. I am quite certain he too thinks I am awful. Well I think itís pretty awful when people donít recognize or care of the destruction these narcissists cause. Enablers of abuse. I talked to another family member and surprise, this retired priest is likely narcissistic. Heís getting great narcissistic fuel by visiting and enabling her, such a hero. Of course I donít know whatís in his heart, the possibility is always there that he truly cares.  However if he truly cared wouldnít he reach out to me, her primary helper/servant for the last 20 years, to get the full story? He even went so far as to call our local church where we both belong and bitch them out for not visiting her in the nursing home. Little did he know that my grandmother, who complained that no one from church cared, would often turn them away with harsh words when they visited and not even let them in the house. Itís not unheard of  though for people with narc tendencies to join the clergy, using the church as a means to get attention and show off their brilliance. I am a faithful member of my local church and Iím not saying they are all like that. They arenít. Most are wonderful and truly do it to serve God and their fellow humans. However the lure of having an entire congregation at your attention is a pretty strong magnet for someone who is narcissistic.

Seems like they are everywhere.

I wonder what percentage of the population are narcissistic? Feels like an awful lot. I see it on tv news and in my personal life, see it playing out in the world and at home.  Those with full blown npd are still the minority but the culture of narcissism is among us. Hard not to be triggered when it appears to be everywhere.

Practice an attitude of gratitude.

*

SunnyMeadow

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 623
Re: Guilt trip by a five year old
« Reply #6 on: June 03, 2020, 11:41:33 AM »
I think you're right, they are everywhere.

The reoccurring theme that people need to help them is so common, isn't it? Help them or you are seen as an awful person. First of all, I think people should mind their own business when it comes to other people's families. Second, why can't people think a little deeper? As in ... maybe there's a reason no one wants to help.

Because I have a uNPD parent, I definitely don't take people at face value now. No more "oh what a sweet old lady". My uNPD mother seems like a sweet old lady but she's vengeful and malicious.

That comment from the 5 year old would be hurtful to me too Adrianna. It must've been a shock and I'm sorry that happened to you.


*

Sun

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • 83
Re: Guilt trip by a five year old
« Reply #7 on: June 03, 2020, 06:10:07 PM »
I am so sad for you. I remember you posting when you were still more enmeshed and struggling to get away. I'm so proud of you for succeeding! Please don't let the child's comments derail you x