Co-Worker raises feelings which I have when in contact with Mum and Step-Dad

[The New Me!]

Hi,

Recently started working with a young woman and she is very good at talking about herself.  She also corrects me a lot if I word things slightly differently.  She is winding me up to be honest - only have to work with her for 2 days - thank goodness - I work part-time and she's full-time.  She doesn't eat dairy, is vegan and also grows her own vegetables - she's married.  Her previous job used to be making cakes for a local tearooms.  The lady - who's job she has taken over from - left last week and she baked her a very professional cake, salted caramel and vanilla.  It was very nice.  She has moved from another department within our actual service - work for the NHS.  So she is quite experienced, but then so am I.  I just feel inadequate and self-conscious and I don't feel completely comfortable in her presence.  Has anyone any tips on how to deal with this person?  I realise I have to be more careful whilst working with people, but in all honesty if this was in another environment I would tell her to f*** off.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

[xredshoesx]

it is exhausting to work with someone who is an expert on everything...whether they are PD or not for sure. 

my first question to you would be does she remind you in some of these mannerisms of the PD/ uPD person in your life?  i know that i've worked with people very similar in personality to my uPD biological mother and i have those same moments where i want to say what i want but i still need a J O B at the end of the day so i've learned to both medium chill and grey rock  them and kind of be disinterested in the convo to shut it down.   

https://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/grey-rock-safe-detachment

https://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/medium-chill

these techniques work well with anyone who is boorish, PD or u PD. 

[clara]

I had a co-worker like that, NewMe, and using MC worked very well for me, even if I didn't (at the time) know that was the technique I was using.  I'd avoid her as much as possible, but when I couldn't I'd make myself so boring to her she'd be forced to find her attention elsewhere.  Mostly I'd just listen but not respond until she drifted away to find someone more agreeable.  The thing is, over time almost no one in the department could stand her and she was widely disliked (while thinking she was immensely popular).  Our manager (and her friend) had her back so nothing could ever be done about her and we just had to put up with her.

Being triggered by the encounter because it reminds you of interactions with your parents is much harder to MC away, however.  I suspect they intuit your vulnerability and therefore use your discomfort and defensiveness as sources of supplying their own inflated egos.  They know they're getting to you with their comments and behaviors, so enjoy making you feel uncomfortable.  It makes them feel better about themselves (because insecurity is probably at the heart of their behavior) when you show your feelings.  They can work at reinforcing your feelings of inadequacy, because that's how they want you to feel.  She likely feels threatened by you so ratchets up the narc behavior around you in order to bait you and ultimately feel like she has control over you.  You have to always remind yourself that this isn't a repeat of your childhood but rather just another abusive person who really isn't worth your time or effort.  You may have to work with her, but you don't have to deal with her.  Let her issues be her issues, don't allow her to force them on you, and she'll look for someone else to play with.  Don't make her feel unwelcome (because she'll try to use that against you) but don't make her feel welcome, either.  Remember, she's not your family, she's not your friend, she's just a co-worker who has no meaning in your life outside of the times you have to work with her.  Put her in the "not really important to me" box and keep her there.

[Thru the Rain]

In addition to the great suggestions from other posters, I suggest headphones.

The obvious, over the ear variety that are clearly visible to anyone approaching you.

You don't even have to listen to anything on them. Just plug into your computer and work in the blessed silence if you want.

(and this is assuming a lot about your job environment, so use/don't use as appropriate)

When she starts in talking to you, just ignore her since presumably you can't even hear her.

[The New Me!]

Hi, thanks for the helpful comments.  I'll give some of the tips a go and see how I get on...