Hi, I'm new here

Started by ChillNow, June 04, 2020, 07:13:17 PM

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ChillNow

Greetings,

Here is an introduction since I am a brand new member.  What a great resource this website is – I wish I had found it sooner!

The first experience I had with a person who has NPD traits was a boss and I was definitely unprepared because I grew up in a calm family.  Separating from that person was a learning experience and I watched several enlightening YouTube videos during and after that experience.

Sadly, my uSTBXBPH - Undiagnosed Soon-To-Be-Ex Borderline Personality Husband's mood swings and other issues got worse with time.  He is not sufficiently 'bad off' to get the diagnosis, but even displaying traits/being very high functioning messed with our family life, our kids emotional well-being and my ability to be close to him.  At times he also shows traits of a vulnerable narcissist.  I'm beginning to realize that the label isn't all that important. 

His is a very sad back story that he did not really admit to himself until the shock of me moving out.  Let the healing begin - but I will not be that close to him ever again.  I resisted his hoovering and guilt-tripping and I'm so relieved that he has resigned himself to my decision.

May I recommend books by author and therapist Margalis Fjelstad for those of us who are living with (or used to live with) the crazy-making moods and behaviors of a PD individual.

Now that I'm living on my own (with our DD), I feel much lighter and happier.

Best wishes all around!

PeanutButter

Welcome. Im sorry for the painful situation that brought you here. Im glad you found our community for support.  :grouphug:
If there is a hidden seed of evil inside of children adults planted it there -LundyBancroft  Self-awareness is the ability to take an honest look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong good or bad -DebbieFord The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none -Thomas Carlyle

treesgrowslowly

I'd like to extend a warm welcome to you.

It is not easy to move out and get that space from someone especially with a child involved.

I'm glad you have found us and some information to help you. Knowledge is power in situations like this. Otherwise we are easily confused by the PD behaviours since they are inherently confusing to deal with.

Children are not equipped to deal with the back and forth and up and down of a PD persons mood and behaviours. The PD changes their mind and mood and then everyone around them is working so hard all the time just to keep up.

Others here know a lot more about BPD and can share about that. I'm mostly familiar with the narcissism and how it affects relationships so much. I am of the belief that you can't be happy in a relationship with a narcissist and this comes from my experience having a narcissistic parent. Growing up, it was my happiness that was never important to her. But to hear her talk one would not hear it unless one was trained to see the red flags of a narcissist way of acting. Especially in public.

So you have done the right thing to have a big boundary and move out.

Again, welcome.