She had a 'widowmaker" and survived...

[Psuedonym]

Hey alphaomega,

It sounds like you're getting to a place where you can observe her behavior more neutrally from a distance, which is great!!

I've always sympathized with your posts as I am also the only child of a covert NM. The guilt trips and self pity and whining and the 'you're the only one I have!' can really get to you. When you can finally step back and see that they are not at all helpless, that they've been manipulating everyone around them for decades, it's a huge relief. For me it was a revelation to realize that there was no way to fix the misery because there really was no misery, it was a ploy to get more attention and supply. NM would tell H that she was so looooooonely and had noooo one to talk to at her horrible (also very expensive) AL. After she died H repeated this to the AL director, who look surprised and said 'really...she had quite a circle of friends here.' And then later discovered that she would call my aunt to bitch and whine about said 'friends'. 

She also did the food thing 100%. One time she called me at work to complain that she was sick (again) and wanted me to drive to the store after work to get her frozen yogurt and bring it to the AL. I said 'can't you get like 4 flavors of ice cream from the kitchen downstairs? They'll deliver it to your apartment'. But she didn't want ice cream, she wanted from frozen yogurt. You can imagine how well it went over when I said I wasn't taking an hour out of my day after work to do that.

Stay strong!

[Seven]

Mother did that this weekend.  Talking about me right in front of me

She got to visit Bro5 who finally got home from hospital.  Due to a series of events, I was there too with Sis1.  I rode home in the back of Sis1 minivan with Sis1 driving and uNPDm in the passenger seat.  She goes on to say how his apartment "wasn't that bad" (remember in a previous post, his apartment could have been considered hoarder status on top of all the sickness he left behind that day)

Sis1 goes on to explain that it only looks that way because it took 3 of us 24 man-hours to get it to look even the least bit respectable. UNPDm says, "who was the third person?"  Sis1 says "me, LTFF (long time family friend), and SEVEN"

UNPDm "well, no one told ME that Seven helped"....as I'm sitting in the back seat of the freaking van...like I'm not even there.  I mean, why does she think everything needs to go through her? 

Then the next day the whole family goes to lunch.  There's 10 of us.  She hadn't seen my oldest son since the pandemic started.  He decided to dye his hair blond (he's been working from home and doesn't have to see anyone). Granted, not the best look on him, but hey he's 30 and can do what he wants.

So of course when we bring UNPDm home, she has to comment to Sis1 and in front of me, again like I'm not even there "why did OS dye his hair.  It looks awful."  And then the grunt of disgust.  In front of ME!  His mother!

So,  no widow maker for her, but her dementia is really kicking in, and she knows it, refuses to leave her apartment at her ILF to be with other people because she knows she's god awful.  Then complains she's depressed.

[alphaomega]

I think what is such a revelation to me, is that she honestly and truly, wholeheartedly and completely, never, ever, saw me as a human being.

I was merely the first one on her speed dial, because I would literally drop EVERY.SINGLE.THING, to try to cater to her, in order to make up for all of her "losses" throughout life.

But that wouldnt be enough for her.

She had to also USE ME. 

As a scapegoat, to do her bidding when she overshot her bullshit promises that would never come to fruition (money, the business, demands) and make sure people KNEW that SHE was MY victim ! 

And not the other way around.

She is the most dreadful example of what it means to absolutely waste a life. 

Her incessant need to overpower, overshadow, manipulate, cause as much discord as possible, be the richest, the most diamond encrusted, fur coat sporting...wait a second..

My mother was the pimp Huggie bear from Duke of Hazard...

[Adrianna]

"I think what is such a revelation to me, is that she honestly and truly, wholeheartedly and completely, never, ever, saw me as a human being."

This is, hands down, the absolute truth and something it can take years to truly, fully accept.  I know it took me a long time to let this sink in. It completely changed my outlook on humanity. To know there are people walking around without empathy, some in your own family, is not an easy pill to swallow. Without that knowledge though we continue to be hurt, confused and crushed every time they act like they don't care about us. Reality is they don't care and nothing we could do or say would change that.  We aren't seen as people with feelings, needs and desires of our own. We are just a means to an end for them, to perform as demanded, through the fear, guilt and obligation tactics they use. The FOG. What a sad revelation but freeing once we have the knowledge.