I said NO

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Pinkos

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Re: I said NO
« Reply #20 on: June 19, 2020, 02:41:28 PM »
I second the notion that not everyone that listens to these smears is going to jump to THEIR side! The flying monkeys for sure are proxies and to be avoided/blocked. But the rest are keeping a respectful distance and perhaps don't want to be involved and that's a healthy response. And even if these people are not discerning enough to call bullsh*t right away, after observing our parents' callousness over a period of time, many of them will get there. And many people have experienced someone gossiping about them or trying to turn others against them, so they will be able to call that behavior for what it is even if they don't say anything directly.

I've had maybe 3-4 FMs contact me over the last several years of NC (they were all immediately blocked or shut down in one way or another; I never engaged with any of them on the subject) but the rest of the extended family or family friends have been distant. And I think a lot of my anxiety about the smear campaign is a hold over from when I was a kid and my parents used to gossip so harshly about me with the most negative connotations to everything I did. And I felt so helpless to do anything about it.

But just yesterday I was thinking that the reason my parents are only close to crappy relatives/friends is because they've driven all the healthy people away. They're not even that close to any of these people; they gossip about them like dogs behind their backs too. If someone is talking about their child in such a degrading way, you'd have to be extremely naive to think they're not talking about you too behind your back. Or you're both PD parents commiserating. So if these crappy relatives/friends buy into their bs and think negatively of me, so what?? These people were never on my side anyway because they had been drinking the cool-aid since I was a kid and have never extended any warmth in my direction. So I never had these people in my corner anyway. So I've lost nothing. None of my relatives have ever attempted to be closer to me so....

The ones that hurt the most are the loss of siblings and any other people that you cared about who just don't get it. Those hurt for sure.


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LindaLoo

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Re: I said NO
« Reply #21 on: June 19, 2020, 06:02:43 PM »
PeanutButter, Yes I do understand you. I am so grateful for all of you here.  :bighug:
~Your heart knows things that your mind can't explain~

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LindaLoo

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Re: I said NO
« Reply #22 on: June 19, 2020, 06:12:46 PM »
Pinkos, Thank you !  I am learning that not everyone listens to the smears. It's sad when they smear us to siblings. That hurts the most. The dysfunction I just can't deal with. My brothers stay quiet now, tho I tell them I love them and I'm always here for them. Mother has divided. Parents like your'es and mine are not Parents at all  :bighug:
~Your heart knows things that your mind can't explain~