New here Hi!

[Kcal]

Hi, im new here.  Just some background....i was discarded back in early April by my narc bf of 2 years.  Well, he broke up with me 6 days before our anniversary.  So typical of a narc to do that.  I've texted him maybe 3 times since April.  He hasn't initiated any texting.  He knows I will text him is why. Selfish.  The last texting was 2+ weeks ago and he said to text him anytime.  Im not sure if that's a Hoover , invitation, or just being normal for once.  He makes me so confused.  I'm still having horrible cognitive dissonance and still feel addicted to him due to the trauma bond I guess.  I'm hoping to go NC asap and not text him ever again.  I can do so much better than him!  I see that more and more.  I think all of us on this forum do!

[bloomie]

Hi and welcome to Out of the FOG! You have made an important decision to remove yourself from confusing communication with someone who you know you no longer want to be with. I am glad you have joined us here and hope you will find your time sharing and engaging on the boards a great support as you heal and move forward to better days!

[Starboard Song]

Adding my welcome!

It is entirely common to see so clearly what is wrong, and yet not quite see how to fix it or get away from it. That is because this is actually hard. So you are doing great.

We get into and stay in relationships specifically because they make us feel strong and at peace, and they help up thrive. I'm glad you see that you deserve this.

Be good. Be strong.

[PeanutButter]

Hi and welcome.

Im so sorry you had a need to find us, but i am glad you did.

Being discarded is so painful. Its a relief from some of the torment. IME But to an already worn down self esteem its easily what feels like a final blow.

The best thing I ever did for my healing was to ask myself why I was willing to settle for unpdxH's abuse for so long.

This led me to my foo, my ubpdM, and childhood abuse. That is where the belief that when I was mistreated it meant I deserved it and/or I was not worthy of something better originated.

  I realized that this was not true. Abusive people abuse anyone who will allow them to get away with it. I allowed it because I didnt have a healthy model of relationships. I did not identify the abuse as abnormal or unhealthy. I knew it was incredibly painful but that was just a continuation of my experiences at home and with my ubpdM.

I was stuck in a mindset that I needed others in my life to cooperate so I could be happy. I felt dependant on others to hold me up. I didn't believe I was capable of being happy alone.

My relationship with my self was the starting point of recovering. Finding compassion and forgiveness for myself is so healing. Recently working on non judgemental awareness of any maladaptive emotional defenses that are lingering.

This site has been a catalyst to changes for better interactions.