Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?

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p123

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #40 on: June 27, 2020, 08:36:35 PM »
The thing is, when he changes the subject after you have caught an obvious lie...you can't let it drop.  We all have parents who think they can easily snow us.  And he will continue to do this until you make it so unpleasant for him. Next time he pulls this, don't let it slide.  He harps on you to visit...well you harp on him to admit your brother lied.

In the past, I've showed him a pic on my phone in the pub when hes supposedly working. Dad looks at it mumbles something and changes the subject. About 10 times this is now.
Last year or so, hes noticed somethings wrong with my brother and I. He must know. I dont say anything to Dad but I'm sure brother has.

At the beginning, he'd get involved and say "can't you just leave it with him and not argue". At the time I agreed to do so I left it. Only for him to come back a month later with more abuse about something. Dad again tried to be peacemaker. I said OK I will let it go. Again the same.

I pointed out to Dad that OK I'm leaving it here, we'll agree to disagree, but he needs to drop this issue hes got, I'm not going to up with him contacting me like this all the time. In the end, I did block him because I got bored with it all and he wasn't letting up. Guess whos fault it was? Yep mine for not "letting it go".

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PeanutButter

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #41 on: June 28, 2020, 03:18:21 AM »
Definately sounds like you D is scapegoating you!
If there is a hidden seed of evil inside of children adults planted it there -LundyBancroft  Self-awareness is the ability to take an honest look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong good or bad -DebbieFord The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none -Thomas Carlyle

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p123

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #42 on: June 28, 2020, 10:08:10 AM »
Well I did it. I phoned him and said I can't make it today but I'll see you one night in the week.

He tried it all. Went from OK to "I've been so ill I'm calling the doctor out". I asked him symptoms - all the usual signs of madeupitis again. Says hes going to pack a bag and he'll ring me from the hospital tomorrow if he gets admitted because he thinks he will. Not going to be fun for that doctor tomorrow!

Oh and FIVE times I had "I'm SO disappointed you're not coming". Guilt trip or what?
Ashamed at the lengths he will go to get what he wants - thats all it is.

I really don't care that he thinks hes ill. I guess he might be. Past experience has shown chances are about 20 to 1 on that though. So what? Cry wolf and this is what happens.

Heres another one - "if the doctor gives me a prescription, can you come and collect it from the pharmacy?" 25 miles away! I said no but I'd speak to the GP and/or pharmacist and get it delivered or something maybe. Even if theres a charge. Or I'll arrange it to be be delivered to pharmacy near me and I'll collect it and bring it tuesday or something. No don't want to do that - dont worry then if you can;t do it.

Im working monday - I cant just swan off for hours doing this. I could scream at the moment.....

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PeanutButter

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #43 on: June 28, 2020, 10:47:35 AM »
 :grouphug:

P123 Im so sorry!
 He is really digging his heels in isnt he? If he was sick then why did he want you to visit? What if its covid 19 and he exposed you? Seems odd he only mentioned after you told him you weren't coming. It definately sounds like madepitis to me.
 Ive heard it done plenty of times by grown adults who should know better. He is the one who should be ashamed not you! You have done nothing wrong! He is manipulating and very possibly lieing to you. If he isnt lieing then he was trying to expose you to his illness without your knowledge.
 I know that it is hard to 'manage' this kind of interaction while keeping your cool and standing your ground.
Congratulations on that almost impossible feat! :applause:
Now enjoy your day with your family! You deserve it.
If there is a hidden seed of evil inside of children adults planted it there -LundyBancroft  Self-awareness is the ability to take an honest look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong good or bad -DebbieFord The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none -Thomas Carlyle

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p123

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #44 on: June 28, 2020, 12:52:44 PM »
:grouphug:

P123 Im so sorry!
 He is really digging his heels in isnt he? If he was sick then why did he want you to visit? What if its covid 19 and he exposed you? Seems odd he only mentioned after you told him you weren't coming. It definately sounds like madepitis to me.
 Ive heard it done plenty of times by grown adults who should know better. He is the one who should be ashamed not you! You have done nothing wrong! He is manipulating and very possibly lieing to you. If he isnt lieing then he was trying to expose you to his illness without your knowledge.
 I know that it is hard to 'manage' this kind of interaction while keeping your cool and standing your ground.
Congratulations on that almost impossible feat! :applause:
Now enjoy your day with your family! You deserve it.

Thanks PB. Had it so many times this madeupitis......

In the past, he got into a habit of phoning for an emergency ambulance - they stopped coming. His GP at one point stopped coming and the senior partner phoned him and basically told him to cut it out.
Hes also had TWO fake hospital admissions. Both times he had a cold and GP refused to admit him then he "fell" and banged his head and got admitted. Both times the hospital were confused about how exactly he had a wound like that. Self inflicted. I've tried speaking to his GP to point out what hes doing, and just look at the times he calls them, and they do nothing.

99% sure its a lie or hes making a mountain out of a molehill. Thats normal too. Either way it suits him not to be ill because he thinks it makes me feel guilty.
Trouble is the GP will come tomorrow and sometimes they'll say you're fine sometimes they'll give him antibiotics just to shut him up. It he gets that, it validates that he must be REALLY ill.

Do you know what though his behaviour is getting so bad recently that I just don't care or don't want to speak to him.

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PeanutButter

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #45 on: June 28, 2020, 01:20:33 PM »
Quote
In the past, he got into a habit of phoning for an emergency ambulance - they stopped coming. His GP at one point stopped coming and the senior partner phoned him and basically told him to cut it out.
Hes also had TWO fake hospital admissions. Both times he had a cold and GP refused to admit him then he "fell" and banged his head and got admitted. Both times the hospital were confused about how exactly he had a wound like that. Self inflicted. I've tried speaking to his GP to point out what hes doing, and just look at the times he calls them, and they do nothing.

 :aaauuugh:  wow actually thats a level above what ive witnessed personally

Ive seen someone peeking out their door watching for me to walk by who then layed down on the floor and started yelling that they had fallen and couldnt get up. But no actual injuries just pretend ones.
Quote
Either way it suits him not to be ill because he thinks it makes me feel guilty..  his behaviour is getting so bad recently that I just don't care or don't want to speak to him .

You have the all power now that you see it for what it is. Its disrespectful to you and your foc. IMO Its not loving and quite selfish too ime.

 Its so hard for us nons to wrap our heads around that pds cant STOP and at least try to relate differently since we are onto them and their trickery isnt gonna ever budge us again.
If there is a hidden seed of evil inside of children adults planted it there -LundyBancroft  Self-awareness is the ability to take an honest look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong good or bad -DebbieFord The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none -Thomas Carlyle

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lkdrymom

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #46 on: June 28, 2020, 04:00:58 PM »
Only two fake hospital admittances....amateur!  My father has scores of them. Got to the point he called the ambulance so many times the local police were on first name basis.

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p123

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #47 on: June 28, 2020, 09:12:46 PM »
Quote
In the past, he got into a habit of phoning for an emergency ambulance - they stopped coming. His GP at one point stopped coming and the senior partner phoned him and basically told him to cut it out.
Hes also had TWO fake hospital admissions. Both times he had a cold and GP refused to admit him then he "fell" and banged his head and got admitted. Both times the hospital were confused about how exactly he had a wound like that. Self inflicted. I've tried speaking to his GP to point out what hes doing, and just look at the times he calls them, and they do nothing.

 :aaauuugh:  wow actually thats a level above what ive witnessed personally

Ive seen someone peeking out their door watching for me to walk by who then layed down on the floor and started yelling that they had fallen and couldnt get up. But no actual injuries just pretend ones.
Quote
Either way it suits him not to be ill because he thinks it makes me feel guilty..  his behaviour is getting so bad recently that I just don't care or don't want to speak to him .

You have the all power now that you see it for what it is. Its disrespectful to you and your foc. IMO Its not loving and quite selfish too ime.

 Its so hard for us nons to wrap our heads around that pds cant STOP and at least try to relate differently since we are onto them and their trickery isnt gonna ever budge us again.

Yes hes proven many times that he will push it as far as he needs to to get what he wants. Its surprises me sometimes.

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p123

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #48 on: June 28, 2020, 09:18:27 PM »
Only two fake hospital admittances....amateur!  My father has scores of them. Got to the point he called the ambulance so many times the local police were on first name basis.

Remind me you're not in the uk like me?

Trouble is here its all free. GPs, ambulances etc etc. So you can call as many times as you like. Part of the problem is that the services are so disjointed. The Ambulance people won't know that he constantly phones the GP. Half the time the GP doesnt know him and know how he is. Its only luck that they notice some of the time.

And, of course, everyone is scared to be sued. So they take it seriously mostly. It takes a brave person to say "no we're not coming any more".  They have done in the past.

I can't imagine him doing it loads and loads of times. Twice was bad enough! It was so stressful. I had the hospital calling me, first off to tell me he had been admitted. I'll be honest, after about 5 seconds I thought "hes done it again" because he'd been going on for days about how the 2-3 doctors who'd seen him didnt have a clue and how he was so ill he had to be in hospital.

A few hours later they did ask me if he had dementia (no he hasnt) because he'd told two different stories both of which were inconsistent with the wound. I thought at the time, great, they might do something but, alas, put up with him for a few days then sent him home.

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Adrianna

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #49 on: July 01, 2020, 10:46:30 PM »
The trips to the hospital with my grandmother.

“I’m dying!!!!!!!!”
“No one is paying attention to me!”
“When is someone going to do something for me?”
“When am I getting a room?” (Hoping to be admitted so she could be waited on in a better room.)
“No one cares about me!”
“Why aren’t there more people here?” (Laying in bed like a queen wanting an audience, the more the better. Always asking if I told everyone she’s there, hoping she would get visitors to offer sympathy and pity aka ATTENTION.)

Medical tests, hours go by, waiting.

Nothing wrong.

It got to a point where I was embarrassed for her. Also due to her dementia she got so hateful and vile I couldn’t even sit in the exam room with her. Had to wait out in the hallway. Sometimes in tears. Alone usually. Waiting for them to release her so I could bring her home and do it all again a few weeks later.  I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Narcissists, and especially those with borderline personality mixed in, will create chaos and drama and yes, they could injure themselves to get attention. Some borderlines go too far by mistake and could accidentally commit suicide. It’s truly a sickness. Towards the end at home I think she was self harming to get a trip to the hospital for attention. It made my skin crawl and makes me ill thinking about it. How much was dementia and how much was her regular manipulation,  I’ll never know. She fell in the garage. Why she was out there I don’t know, I assume emptying the trash. I felt it coming though. When she felt she wasn’t getting enough attention, she would whine incessantly and I’d think well she’s planning something, getting desperate. She did hit her head. Blood on the garage floor and outside. I had to clean it up. Only a small cut on her head, no stitches required, looked worse than it was. But I’ll never forget cleaning up her blood on the garage floor, thinking to myself, this isn’t normal, if she did this on purpose this woman truly is sick. After we got home from the ER, she kept yelling at me, pointing to the cut on her head, screaming

“Do you see that? Do you? Look at my head! Do you see it? Do you see what I did?”

I’ll never know if it was a true fall or if she did it on purpose. One time in hospital she got tired of waiting, wasn’t happy with the service as usual, and said to me “why did I put myself here?” I think I said “ I don’t know. Why did you?”

Whether it was intentional for attention or whether it was an actual fall, the end result is the same. If someone is getting frequent injuries and hospital stays they probably shouldn’t be living at home anymore. I told them she was a danger to herself and I believe she was at that point. Of course the possible suicide attempt is what got that ball rolling with the dementia diagnosis.

If their usually rude and selfish behavior becomes outrageously unbearable, and verbal abuse starts, to the point where you literally can’t be around the person without crying,  and you find yourself at the hospital with him/her way too often, have them tested for dementia.


« Last Edit: July 01, 2020, 10:56:00 PM by Adrianna »
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p123

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #50 on: July 02, 2020, 08:14:07 AM »
The trips to the hospital with my grandmother.

“I’m dying!!!!!!!!”
“No one is paying attention to me!”
“When is someone going to do something for me?”
“When am I getting a room?” (Hoping to be admitted so she could be waited on in a better room.)
“No one cares about me!”
“Why aren’t there more people here?” (Laying in bed like a queen wanting an audience, the more the better. Always asking if I told everyone she’s there, hoping she would get visitors to offer sympathy and pity aka ATTENTION.)

Medical tests, hours go by, waiting.

Nothing wrong.

It got to a point where I was embarrassed for her. Also due to her dementia she got so hateful and vile I couldn’t even sit in the exam room with her. Had to wait out in the hallway. Sometimes in tears. Alone usually. Waiting for them to release her so I could bring her home and do it all again a few weeks later.  I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Narcissists, and especially those with borderline personality mixed in, will create chaos and drama and yes, they could injure themselves to get attention. Some borderlines go too far by mistake and could accidentally commit suicide. It’s truly a sickness. Towards the end at home I think she was self harming to get a trip to the hospital for attention. It made my skin crawl and makes me ill thinking about it. How much was dementia and how much was her regular manipulation,  I’ll never know. She fell in the garage. Why she was out there I don’t know, I assume emptying the trash. I felt it coming though. When she felt she wasn’t getting enough attention, she would whine incessantly and I’d think well she’s planning something, getting desperate. She did hit her head. Blood on the garage floor and outside. I had to clean it up. Only a small cut on her head, no stitches required, looked worse than it was. But I’ll never forget cleaning up her blood on the garage floor, thinking to myself, this isn’t normal, if she did this on purpose this woman truly is sick. After we got home from the ER, she kept yelling at me, pointing to the cut on her head, screaming

“Do you see that? Do you? Look at my head! Do you see it? Do you see what I did?”

I’ll never know if it was a true fall or if she did it on purpose. One time in hospital she got tired of waiting, wasn’t happy with the service as usual, and said to me “why did I put myself here?” I think I said “ I don’t know. Why did you?”

Whether it was intentional for attention or whether it was an actual fall, the end result is the same. If someone is getting frequent injuries and hospital stays they probably shouldn’t be living at home anymore. I told them she was a danger to herself and I believe she was at that point. Of course the possible suicide attempt is what got that ball rolling with the dementia diagnosis.

If their usually rude and selfish behavior becomes outrageously unbearable, and verbal abuse starts, to the point where you literally can’t be around the person without crying,  and you find yourself at the hospital with him/her way too often, have them tested for dementia.

Oh wow. Its so tough when they do that isn't it? Exactly like my Dad. Its just I'm at the stage of not being able to get anyone else to realise whats going on.

Took me a while to realise what he was doing though.
Started out he'd call the ambulance. They'd come out and pretty much EVERY time take him to hospital. 5 Hours later he'd be home.
Then they started to not take him to hospital.
Then the last time, the ambulance didnt arrive for 8 hours.

At this point, knowing that they're always mega cautious with old people - after all they don't want to get sued I just knew that they were 100% sure there was nothing wrong with him. They wouldnt risk sending an ambulance hours later if there was any chance of it being urgent,

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Adrianna

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #51 on: July 02, 2020, 08:57:05 AM »
It’s quite sad because you never know when there really could be something wrong with him because he’s faked it for so many times.

She would whine and say she’s dying, then I’d call an ambulance, they would come and she’d argue with them about not wanting to go. However she’d be more than happy for me to drive her to the hospital. It’s all a sick game. One time she called my son (which was unusual as usually I’m the one she would boss around) saying she’s dying. He was very upset since she was 96 and he wasn’t able to run over there (he had someone coming to the house in a few minutes). He called me upset and I said I’m sure she’s not dying, and I will handle. I went over, she claimed to be dying from heat stroke (it was 68 degrees in the house with air conditioning on). She whined and wanted me to drive her to the ER. I said no, we will call the ambulance and they will check you out. She was furious. Her narcissistic fuel was watching others do things for her, bonus if you’re related, so she wanted ME to drive her to hospital myself, watch me wait for hours while she was waited on, then drive her home to listen to her complain that I don’t do enough for her. I refused. Ambulance came, checked vitals, she was fine. Waste of their time. No trip to hospital. I told her don’t you ever call my son claiming to be dying if you aren’t. You really upset him. The games they play are ridiculous and they can take good hearted kind people and turn them resentful.
« Last Edit: July 02, 2020, 08:59:14 AM by Adrianna »
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p123

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #52 on: July 03, 2020, 10:12:30 AM »
It’s quite sad because you never know when there really could be something wrong with him because he’s faked it for so many times.

She would whine and say she’s dying, then I’d call an ambulance, they would come and she’d argue with them about not wanting to go. However she’d be more than happy for me to drive her to the hospital. It’s all a sick game. One time she called my son (which was unusual as usually I’m the one she would boss around) saying she’s dying. He was very upset since she was 96 and he wasn’t able to run over there (he had someone coming to the house in a few minutes). He called me upset and I said I’m sure she’s not dying, and I will handle. I went over, she claimed to be dying from heat stroke (it was 68 degrees in the house with air conditioning on). She whined and wanted me to drive her to the ER. I said no, we will call the ambulance and they will check you out. She was furious. Her narcissistic fuel was watching others do things for her, bonus if you’re related, so she wanted ME to drive her to hospital myself, watch me wait for hours while she was waited on, then drive her home to listen to her complain that I don’t do enough for her. I refused. Ambulance came, checked vitals, she was fine. Waste of their time. No trip to hospital. I told her don’t you ever call my son claiming to be dying if you aren’t. You really upset him. The games they play are ridiculous and they can take good hearted kind people and turn them resentful.

Oh thats just awful way to behave!

I can relate to this "you and you only" thing. I get it all the time for everything. Even when I present a perfectly sensible alternative that makes everyones life easier it always boils down to "no I don't want to do it that way".

As you said, its not so much they want something its they want to see someone else doing something for them. I honestly think my Dad gets a warm glow when hes able to get me to do something - the harder the better.

Sorry if you've heard the wheelchair story before.....

I'd taken dad out one weekend and stupidly, left his wheelchair in the car. So he calls me - can you pop in one night and bring it back because I'm going out Friday and your uncle (whos 3 years younger than dad) is taking me out. Now I work some distance from Dad so it was mega hassle and with childcare I didnt really have a free evening.
So I said look its mega hassle, only time I can do it is ill have to take some time out of work friday lunchtime, so if you definitely need it. (Its 45 mins+ drive each way). Answer YES I cant go out otherwise.

Friday comes. I do "on call/standby". 3am or something I'm called into the office. By 11am Im tired, still mega busy. So I call Dad, do you REALLY still need that wheelchair, I'm mega busy, tired etc. Answer YES I DO.
OK, so I take 2 hours when I'd rather be going home and take the wheelchair.

Speak to him a few days later - How did you're trip go? Answer - Do you know what, I didn't like to ask your uncle to push me around in the wheelchair so we didnt take it after all.....

You can only imagine how annoyed I was!!!! Just proved the act of getting me to do something difficult for him was the issue here. I wonder whether he ever planned to use the wheelchair and all he wanted to do was test my loyalty.

Lets just say I learned a valuable lesson after that incident.

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Adrianna

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #53 on: July 04, 2020, 12:18:24 PM »
Yes I remember that story and it’s a good example of them just wanting you to serve them. If you’re highly inconvenienced even better!

In terms of narcissism, they get fuel from this. In their minds, getting you to jump through hoops shows that you care. It means they matter. Your dad probably does get a warm feeling watching you inconvenienced on his behalf. It sounds sick because it is. There is no regard for you, your time, your job, your family. It’s all for his needs. He can’t see beyond himself. Problem is no amount of care is ever enough to fill that black hole inside of them. As you know you could perform as required and you’re only as good as the last thing you did for him.

I was outraged, angry, bewildered and shocked FOR YEARS at the utter and complete lack of concern for me shown by my grandmother and my father also. In their minds and your dad’s too, we are here for one thing, to serve. Once that sinks in it’s easier to say NO.

Also the fact that they are disordered doesn’t give them a free pass to abuse people. It doesn’t make it ok. It helps understand WHY they do it, but it doesn’t mean we have to play along with their twisted world view where you don’t matter except for what you can do for them.

« Last Edit: July 04, 2020, 12:20:04 PM by Adrianna »
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nanotech

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #54 on: July 04, 2020, 02:12:48 PM »
The trips to the hospital with my grandmother.

“I’m dying!!!!!!!!”
“No one is paying attention to me!”
“When is someone going to do something for me?”
“When am I getting a room?” (Hoping to be admitted so she could be waited on in a better room.)
“No one cares about me!”
“Why aren’t there more people here?” (Laying in bed like a queen wanting an audience, the more the better. Always asking if I told everyone she’s there, hoping she would get visitors to offer sympathy and pity aka ATTENTION.)

Medical tests, hours go by, waiting.

Nothing wrong.

It got to a point where I was embarrassed for her. Also due to her dementia she got so hateful and vile I couldn’t even sit in the exam room with her. Had to wait out in the hallway. Sometimes in tears. Alone usually. Waiting for them to release her so I could bring her home and do it all again a few weeks later.  I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Narcissists, and especially those with borderline personality mixed in, will create chaos and drama and yes, they could injure themselves to get attention. Some borderlines go too far by mistake and could accidentally commit suicide. It’s truly a sickness. Towards the end at home I think she was self harming to get a trip to the hospital for attention. It made my skin crawl and makes me ill thinking about it. How much was dementia and how much was her regular manipulation,  I’ll never know. She fell in the garage. Why she was out there I don’t know, I assume emptying the trash. I felt it coming though. When she felt she wasn’t getting enough attention, she would whine incessantly and I’d think well she’s planning something, getting desperate. She did hit her head. Blood on the garage floor and outside. I had to clean it up. Only a small cut on her head, no stitches required, looked worse than it was. But I’ll never forget cleaning up her blood on the garage floor, thinking to myself, this isn’t normal, if she did this on purpose this woman truly is sick. After we got home from the ER, she kept yelling at me, pointing to the cut on her head, screaming

“Do you see that? Do you? Look at my head! Do you see it? Do you see what I did?”

I’ll never know if it was a true fall or if she did it on purpose. One time in hospital she got tired of waiting, wasn’t happy with the service as usual, and said to me “why did I put myself here?” I think I said “ I don’t know. Why did you?”

Whether it was intentional for attention or whether it was an actual fall, the end result is the same. If someone is getting frequent injuries and hospital stays they probably shouldn’t be living at home anymore. I told them she was a danger to herself and I believe she was at that point. Of course the possible suicide attempt is what got that ball rolling with the dementia diagnosis.

If their usually rude and selfish behavior becomes outrageously unbearable, and verbal abuse starts, to the point where you literally can’t be around the person without crying,  and you find yourself at the hospital with him/her way too often, have them tested for dementia.

Oh wow. Its so tough when they do that isn't it? Exactly like my Dad. Its just I'm at the stage of not being able to get anyone else to realise whats going on.

Took me a while to realise what he was doing though.
Started out he'd call the ambulance. They'd come out and pretty much EVERY time take him to hospital. 5 Hours later he'd be home.
Then they started to not take him to hospital.
Then the last time, the ambulance didnt arrive for 8 hours.

At this point, knowing that they're always mega cautious with old people - after all they don't want to get sued I just knew that they were 100% sure there was nothing wrong with him. They wouldnt risk sending an ambulance hours later if there was any chance of it being urgent,
This ambulance behaviour is exactly how my dad is. One time he was so insistent that they keep him in, that he stayed there all night on a trolley bed in a cubicle. Then of course it was complete victim mode about that experience.
‘ I’ve not slept a wink’
‘I’ve had to ASK for a pillow!’
‘ no one came to look at me for hours’
( they did. Even though they’d asked him to go home).
He’s worse when a big family event happens, particularly a birth or a death.
He loves playing up on funeral days.
He’s not yet taken to injuring himself, but I reckon it’s on the to do list.  :aaauuugh:
Nightmare.

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Adrianna

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #55 on: July 04, 2020, 08:01:55 PM »
Funeral days - my grandmother made a big drama festival over my mother’s (her daughter in law) funeral. She was going, she wasn’t going, she was going again, changed her mind, etc. back and forth. Ended up not going which I was grateful for, as I assume she would have caused a scene. Later told me I blamed her for my mothers death which is absurd. Had nothing to do with her. Then again in their minds it’s all about them.

My father didn’t want to go to my mothers’s funeral, his wife. Originally agreed to have a service for her, but later fought me on having the service. Funeral parlor was going to start charging him storage fees for the ashes. I finally got him to agree to let me bury my mother’s ashes, after a lot of arguing, putting the poor funeral director in the middle of the dynamic. Day before her funeral surprise he’s in the hospital. Was admitted for a few days. Claimed he had chest pains. He of course Didn’t go to the funeral but he sure was the topic of the day, everyone asking about him, visiting him, etc. He couldn’t even let her have that day, always about him. I suppose there’s a 1% chance it was not planned but hard to think that given the nature of narcissism. I know how they operate now.
Practice an attitude of gratitude.

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lkdrymom

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #56 on: July 05, 2020, 05:11:51 PM »
Only two fake hospital admittances....amateur!  My father has scores of them. Got to the point he called the ambulance so many times the local police were on first name basis.

Remind me you're not in the uk like me?

Trouble is here its all free. GPs, ambulances etc etc. So you can call as many times as you like. Part of the problem is that the services are so disjointed. The Ambulance people won't know that he constantly phones the GP. Half the time the GP doesnt know him and know how he is. Its only luck that they notice some of the time.

And, of course, everyone is scared to be sued. So they take it seriously mostly. It takes a brave person to say "no we're not coming any more".  They have done in the past.

I can't imagine him doing it loads and loads of times. Twice was bad enough! It was so stressful. I had the hospital calling me, first off to tell me he had been admitted. I'll be honest, after about 5 seconds I thought "hes done it again" because he'd been going on for days about how the 2-3 doctors who'd seen him didnt have a clue and how he was so ill he had to be in hospital.

A few hours later they did ask me if he had dementia (no he hasnt) because he'd told two different stories both of which were inconsistent with the wound. I thought at the time, great, they might do something but, alas, put up with him for a few days then sent him home.

No I am in NJ. The police were pretty pissed about him always calling 911.  He went to the ER so often it got to the point if I was at work I would pop out and drop him at the entrance.  I stopped going in completely as I knew it was pure BS....told him I'd be back at the end of the workday to pick him up.  It was like freaking 'daycamp' for him.  Like Adrianna's grandmother he loves to be fussed over at the hospital.  My idea of fun is lying on the beach in Bermuda, his idea of fun is lying in a hospital bed at the medical center.

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nanotech

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #57 on: July 06, 2020, 10:04:45 AM »
Funeral days - my grandmother made a big drama festival over my mother’s (her daughter in law) funeral. She was going, she wasn’t going, she was going again, changed her mind, etc. back and forth. Ended up not going which I was grateful for, as I assume she would have caused a scene. Later told me I blamed her for my mothers death which is absurd. Had nothing to do with her. Then again in their minds it’s all about them.

My father didn’t want to go to my mothers’s funeral, his wife. Originally agreed to have a service for her, but later fought me on having the service. Funeral parlor was going to start charging him storage fees for the ashes. I finally got him to agree to let me bury my mother’s ashes, after a lot of arguing, putting the poor funeral director in the middle of the dynamic. Day before her funeral surprise he’s in the hospital. Was admitted for a few days. Claimed he had chest pains. He of course Didn’t go to the funeral but he sure was the topic of the day, everyone asking about him, visiting him, etc. He couldn’t even let her have that day, always about him. I suppose there’s a 1% chance it was not planned but hard to think that given the nature of narcissism. I know how they operate now.
This is just how my dad is. Two funerals in one year and he played up at both.
The first one wasn’t local to us, we had to travel on the train and stay in a hotel ( of his choosing), trail all around his old haunts ( after a delayed and very long train journey, then have a meal in the hotel where he knocked back wine and moaned when I said I was going to my room at 9 pm.
I got up to a fuming face and he said he'd had no sleep, and was ill. I told him to go and rest. He ass as  Rude  to everyone in the breakfast room including me of course. But he did eat.
Instead of resting while I got ready for the funeral he decided to hike as fast as he could round the hotel ‘ for some fresh air.’ It was a miserable, drizzly day. I think he gave himself a stitch. He then decided that stitch was a heart attack. He told me I had to call an ambulance. I checked symptoms and watched him. I knew it wasn’t. I knew he was faking it. Long story short I got him to the crem as I thought once there, he’d drop it.
He didn’t drop it! He told everyone there that he was ill.
Once in the taxi on the way to the crem, he  had actually asked the driver to go the long way round, because he wanted to sightsee, and by the way he thought he was dying!
( watch what they do rather than what they say. Who wants to go travel the scenic route during a heart attack?)
Once at the crem after stating his BS, he then refused an ambulance ( because he knows you don’t necessarily get taken in). Everyone was now sad AND worried about dad. He’d got what he wanted. 
He managed to get through the service because I practically frogmarched him in! Also he’s scared of my brother, ( GC) who didn’t want to miss the service for  PD appearance reasons.
Afterwards he continued with it, and there was a  flurry of activity to get him to an unknown hospital. UnNPD brother had turned up last minute and he had a car, so he had to take him.
I told them I was staying at the Wake. I’ll never forget their faces!
Later I had to then get myself to the hospital,  home later on my own. I spent a small fortune on taxis, and on the train and then picking up my car, from dad’s home town,  I found myself in several risky situations.
He tried it again a few months later but I was ready for him. Nipped that attempt the bud with the first waif phonecall. He, just before the hearse arrived, he  tried to complain about me to my husband. That go nowhere. Then he sulked and whinged. But I didn’t sit with him so that was all fine!  He couldn’t quite bring himself to have a go at me at the funeral wake, publicly, and  rIsk ruining  his  image to the extended  family.
For the first time, I noticed how my FOO  hardly mingled or chatted with our extended family. There have been riffs and nastiness in the past,  and it was always blamed on them, not us.
Hmmmmm.  My lot  sat huddled in a corner for most of the afternoon. Me and my FOC mingled, as did everyone else.
Plus at the wake attended on my own  months before, the extended family  were lovely with me.
I did go to the hospital afterwards - wow their   stoneyfaces greeted me! They were both fuming with me for staying at the wake!
Ah well.....!
Sorry to go on a bit. It’s not my thread. P123  I know you have these issues too.
No. More. Funerals. With. Dad.
We. Can’t. Take.Them.Seriously.

This observation;
 ‘ He couldn’t even let her have that day.’
Exactly.

« Last Edit: July 06, 2020, 10:53:25 AM by nanotech »

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p123

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #58 on: July 07, 2020, 07:54:43 AM »
No thats cool nano.... Its nice to hear you're story too.

That is just awful but, I guess like a lot of us, its so familiar......

I've had this multiple times with the old "cant breathe/chest pains" thing. Lets just say hes never going to win an oscar for his acting - its awful.
I remember my wife once (shes a nurse) saw him during his act. Within literally 1 seconds she said "hes faking it".

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nanotech

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Re: Lockdown relaxation - anyone else dreading it?
« Reply #59 on: July 07, 2020, 12:50:37 PM »
No thats cool nano.... Its nice to hear you're story too.

That is just awful but, I guess like a lot of us, its so familiar......

I've had this multiple times with the old "cant breathe/chest pains" thing. Lets just say hes never going to win an oscar for his acting - its awful.
I remember my wife once (shes a nurse) saw him during his act. Within literally 1 seconds she said "hes faking it".

Thanks P123. I’m so fed up. I think that there’s nothing he can do about being elderly, and he just hates it.
Also, his mum died of sudden heart failure. She was 95. I think this makes him anxious because she just WENT within minutes.
She was a total narcissist who abused my dad. She lived with my parents for 12 years and abused them both during that time. They let her. They excused their compliance as ‘respect’.  I think it’s why my dad expects me to let him abuse me. I think he feels cheated out if that ugly behaviour, that only stopped when obs day, she threatened to attack my mum. They then put her in a rest home.
She was a proper sociopath. I think they live long lives because nothing gets to them - except for their own fears about their own demise. Grandma would never discuss her funeral, nothing like that would she entertain.
I think your dad tries to press those ‘respect’ buttons too. They all do it.