Reoccurring dreams

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Reoccurring dreams
« on: June 11, 2020, 12:50:49 PM »
I have previously gone no contact for a year and then my mother progressed a lot. I forgot history and allowed her to move in which was my big mistake for not maintaining boundaries. She relapsed and got physically abusive in September and I told her to find somewhere else to live. She denies ever touching me and had told the whole family I kicked her out for no reason. During the time she was looking for places to move she terrorized me and refused to leave saying I’ll have to call the cops etc. Every name in the book was said as usual but as time has gone on I am feeling bad. I found out her mother and dog have died from family members and I have reached out but no response. The issue is with dreams I’m having every night. I dream of my mother either being crazy or coming around and working things out. I don’t know if me having some Hope is hindering my progress? I don’t know if I should continue to reach out as everyone is telling me or just continue no contact. I feel so confused Bc I know she is sick but I can’t be abused due to her illness anymore. There are so many things I love and miss about her but at the same time she can be so cruel and damaging. I’m really thankful to have found this website and just need to vent and hear from people who know what it’s like to have a parent with a personality disorder.  What do you guys suggest and what has been your experience?

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Starboard Song

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Re: Reoccurring dreams
« Reply #1 on: June 11, 2020, 05:09:30 PM »
Rule #1: maintain your boundaries.

Whatever you do, you aren't going to let her hurt you, you aren't going to listen to even two complete sentences after she goes negative, you are never ever going to argue with her, and you aren't going to invite her into your home to live. I'm guessing, there. But it sounds like you know that right answers as far as those things go.

After that, I suspect you need to decide what you need and want. You can definitely contact her without subjecting yourself to mistreatment. Only you know if you are too hurt to tolerate the contact without being hurt just based on that alone.

I do not believe you should plan on her "recovering." I wish you so much good strength.
Radical Acceptance, by Brach   |   Self-Compassion, by Neff    |   Mindfulness, by Williams   |   The Book of Joy, by the Dalai Lama and Tutu
Healing From Family Rifts, by Sichel   |  Stop Walking on Egshells, by Mason    |    Emotional Blackmail, by Susan Forward

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Re: Reoccurring dreams
« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2020, 06:03:43 PM »
Rule #1: maintain your boundaries.

Whatever you do, you aren't going to let her hurt you, you aren't going to listen to even two complete sentences after she goes negative, you are never ever going to argue with her, and you aren't going to invite her into your home to live. I'm guessing, there. But it sounds like you know that right answers as far as those things go.

After that, I suspect you need to decide what you need and want. You can definitely contact her without subjecting yourself to mistreatment. Only you know if you are too hurt to tolerate the contact without being hurt just based on that alone.

I do not believe you should plan on her "recovering." I wish you so much good strength.




Thank you so much for the reply. I appreciate your insight and itís helpful to hear level headed things from people who understand boundaries.