Co-Worker raises feelings which I have with Mum & Step-Dad cont'd!

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The New Me!

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So today at work I tried the medium chill and grey rock, co-worker was becoming increasingly frustrated by my change in the way I was towards her.  Eventually, she asked me if I was alright and that I was very quiet.  I just replied I was fine, thank you.  I didn't sleep very well last night and I am finding the current situation quite difficult, bearing in mind I work for the NHS (admin) and the whole Covid19, I find some days it does get me down.  Along with the fact that I have an annoying Mum and step-dad which I've posted about recently. 

My take on it with this co-worker is she's not particularly bothered if I'm alright, but more bothered that I'm being different with her.  What are other people's thoughts?  Thanks :)



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Re: Co-Worker raises feelings which I have with Mum & Step-Dad cont'd!
« Reply #1 on: June 12, 2020, 04:38:24 AM »
It's hard to guess what other people think. And maybe too early to know how you are  feeling with this new behaviour. Maybe test it a bit longer and then check if it makes you feel any different.
I can't hate my way into loving myself.



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Re: Co-Worker raises feelings which I have with Mum & Step-Dad cont'd!
« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2020, 12:41:27 PM »
Narcs are extremely sensitive when it comes to themselves.  She sees the change in you and immediately suspects it has something to do with her, which of course it does.  Don't be surprised if she outright asks you if it's her.  Generally, I'd say someone has the right to know why you're acting differently around them, if they ask.  But I'd draw the line at narcs because they'll never understand your reasoning simply because they don't want to and really don't care.  It's always about themselves.

Maybe just say you're thinking about some things and kind of distracted, but don't use emotional words.  Don't say worried or concerned or dealing, word like that, because then it becomes personal and they love that.  They love the idea that you're having "personal issues" because it gives them the opportunity to look down on you, to condescend, and also to reassert their control (never underestimate their ability to file things away to use against you in the future). 

Gray rock her when she approaches you.  I honestly believe she'll get tired of trying to get something out of you, but in the meantime you have to hold firm.  Give her nothing to complain to others about, keep it impersonal, even maybe make up a situation to bore her over (generally achieved whenever you talk about yourself, providing it isn't personal, just some random issue).  Just don't take responsibility for her feelings about the matter.  She'll want you to, and if she says you're upsetting her or something, just say sorry to hear she's upset, with no further explanation.  Then get really busy doing something else (making phone calls always works).