uh, they found my new address

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newlife33

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uh, they found my new address
« on: June 15, 2020, 07:51:44 PM »
i am three and a half years NC.  Things have been amazing in that time!  Lots of love and joy.

However, their have been multiple attempts to break contact.  They sent me letters and packages at my work, put buisness cards on my car, tried to get into my old apartment and even showed up to my work and entered into my office in the middle of the day.

Throughout this all, I have not broke NC  ;D :D 8-)

This month is both my birthday  :D and fathers day :o. In child hood they would combine those two into one "celebration" that meant a cake for me and the rest of the day about him and his weird friends.  It still feels gross and abusive thinking about it now.

I don't know how they found it, but I found a letter from them in my mailbox yesterday.  :-[  I was livid.  Tbh I kind of expected it as they are super manipulative and it's easy enough to do a background check and get someones address.  But that doesn't change the fact that it really triggered me.

Can they be any more selfish?  Attempting this a few days before my birthday and fathers day.  So disrespectful and immature.  They are feeling the pain and loss of supply and are still desperate to reach out.

I threw the letter in the trash, bought myself some clothing, golf gear and other fun stuff for my birthday and will move on.  I'm sure there are going to be more attempts to try and break NC, but they are weak  and I don't really have any fear anymore as the brainwashing is like 90% undone.  A few more months and I feel I will be totally free :)
« Last Edit: June 15, 2020, 07:59:00 PM by newlife33 »

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TwentyTwenty

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Re: uh, they found my new address
« Reply #1 on: June 16, 2020, 03:53:58 AM »
Sorry you are dealing with this, when it should really just be a time of happiness and joy.

Have you ever sent them a cease and desist order? Could you escalate their harassment and intrusion in in a way there would be legal consequences?

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blacksheep7

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Re: uh, they found my new address
« Reply #2 on: June 16, 2020, 07:51:46 PM »
 >:(

Sorry!  It's like saying that it was to good to be true.

TwentyTwenty has a good suggestion.

Oh, Happy Birthday and make it all about you.  :phoot: :righton:
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

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newlife33

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Re: uh, they found my new address
« Reply #3 on: June 17, 2020, 05:02:15 AM »
I've heard conflicting things about the cease and desist order. Part of me wants to do it, part of me thinks that gives them supply and would be me breaking NC. I feel maybe if I have someone else write it for me on my behalf like lawyer or something.

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TwentyTwenty

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Re: uh, they found my new address
« Reply #4 on: June 17, 2020, 07:03:37 AM »
Sorry, I should have mentioned that - We used a lawyer to send ours to each offending family member separately. It definitely changed the whole situation for the better in our case.

I agree in not sending it yourself, that it breaks NC.

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newlife33

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Re: uh, they found my new address
« Reply #5 on: June 17, 2020, 01:34:56 PM »
Ok great thank you! Didn't even think about that, having to send it to each individual one. Ok thanks, I'm going to do that. Do you remember how much it cost per letter?

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TwentyTwenty

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Re: uh, they found my new address
« Reply #6 on: June 17, 2020, 04:30:09 PM »
Sorry, I forget how much, since I paid for background and criminal records searches on them also; so it was just part of a larger project.

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Liz1018

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Re: uh, they found my new address
« Reply #7 on: June 29, 2020, 10:21:42 AM »
Newlife-

Oh no! This is one of my biggest fears. I have successfully avoided this scenario for almost 5 years, but I still have fears they will find me anyway.  :sadno:

My birthday is also right around Father’s Day, so I totally get it. My Ndad was rarely around for Father’s Day  (and missed plenty of birthdays) as he usually left town for his summer job earlier than he needed to. He couldn’t wait to be away for the whole summer.

 Selfish is only one word I would use to describe how my entire FOO has responded to my choice to go NC. Persistent, disrespectful, clueless, delusional, boundary tramplers. Most of them never called while we were in touch. No birthday cards...no emails or phone calls. When I visited they had no interest in spending time together. But NOW they “miss me so much.”

They have never stopped trying to reel me back in. Countless letters, packages, and postcards sent to my work address. I was always one step ahead - changing and blocking phone numbers. Husband threw away all mail unopened (it is possible there were even  more than I knew about.

Holidays seem to be their most desperate attempts at contact.  My unwanted birthday gift this year was  a follow on social media  by my  GC brother -immediately blocked. Already did that with uBPD sister. Ugh. Just stop it already!!

I am comforted by the fact that I moved  about 2 years ago with no  published address as  I and DH  currently rent.  I search online every once in awhile and there is still nothing available. But that fear is always there. - that they will never give up. Luckily I live in another area of the country.  The pandemic has helped quell some of the fear - at least nobody is really traveling.

Very glad to hear how you handled it and did nice things for yourself. And that your life has improved since NC. It is amazing the weight we shed when we go NC. I am more confident than I ever was before. It makes me sad that I spent all of those years being scared of breaking the status quo, but proud that I have gotten so much stronger. I am so not the person I was when I still wore the leash of contact. And it feels great. Sounds like you do too!