Not Doing Well

Started by Amadahy, June 16, 2020, 06:37:59 PM

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Amadahy

Hello, friends,

Where to start? 

These are trying times under the best of circumstances.  COVID-19, societal tensions, and, for us, PD trauma and coping.  I came (mostly) Out of the FOG around 4 years ago at age 47 and have gone through a roller-coaster ride with my Nmom, who has just entered long-term care and is declining rapidly. I quit my somewhat decent-paying job in March due to lack of protective equipment and other workplace woes that had been building for a while with no other job prospects at all.  The quitting, while I probably would do again, I see now was in large measure a trauma response -- I freaked out about COVID-19 in a way that perhaps was exaggerated due to my baseline high anxiety.  I'm now largely apathetic about any work opportunities I find -- everything is a "fast paced work environment" or needs "a team player" or "self starter."  It all just sounds like such a game and like it will suck any reserves I have dry. I can't think of anything I'd find meaningful or that I could muster enough energy to attempt.  I'm home all day, as is my youngest teenager. I do some writing, but mostly I do well to get very basic things accomplished, like dinner or gardening. I feel quite despondent and have no idea how to proceed.  I am in continued therapy with an appointment tomorrow, so there's that, but otherwise I'm aimless and without more meaning to my days. I feel like a shell of a person, although I certainly don't equate one's job with one's worth.  It's just very difficult to not know how to proceed or what's next or when we won't have to worry about COVID-19 as much or how we can fix some of society's ills , etc.

I don't know what I need.  Getting this "out there" is helpful, for sure, so thank you. I hope nobody feels the measure of lostness or sadness or anxiety I feel these days. It is awful.

xo Amadahy

:hug:
Ring the bells that still can ring;
Forget your perfect offering.
There's a crack in everything ~~
That's how the Light gets in!

~~ Leonard Cohen

Poison Ivy

I'm sorry you're not doing well. I understand, I think. I do have a job, and even though I don't like the job, it's one of the few things keeping me out of the depths of despair these days. I and almost all my coworkers have been working from home since March 17. I live alone, I'm used to working at home, and I have a dog, but nevertheless I feel sad and depressed sometimes. I wish I could offer you more than my sympathy.

Hopeful Spine

Good vibes heading your way.  So glad you have a therapy appointment today - that means you are on the right track of taking care of yourself.  I too struggle with a lot of what you are experiencing.  I am self employed (doing something I love) but the stresses of relationships and the general "stuff" that Covid brings is sometimes too much.  I can barely finish the work I know I NEED to do, let alone thrive.  I worry often that I'm failing and that the choices I'm making with relationships are okay. 

These are hard times.  Keep doing what is needed and cut yourself some slack.  I have faith that the universe (and off of us in it) will fall in place as designed.


bloomie

Amadahy - I am so glad you shared where you are at. Nothing could've prepared us for the isolation and domino effect of the response to the pandemic in our personal lives, professional lives, in our communities, and beyond. It is a lot! And throw in PD trauma and coping as you said! Whew!

You are doing your everyday tasks! That is something to recognize. You are continuing good self care practices like gardening and therapy! Again, something to recognize as more than many are able to bring themselves to do. You are reaching out for connection and mutual support here! Again, wise choices.

How are you doing today?

The most powerful people are peaceful people.

The truth will set you free if you believe it.

SparkStillLit

I have a job that i really love, but I very much empathize with those phrases "self starter", "team player", and "fàst paced environment" totally giving you the goose bumps!!! All that corporate buzzword/phrase yap does that for me. I can't be much help but to send you my best wishes to find something good...and honestly, sorting out that garbage, you'll get a good one! Best wishes!

1footouttadefog

In addition to  Covid19 you have alot of large life changes going on at once.   Add to it that its harder to replace your job at this time.

I am glad you are getting the basics accomplished and that you have therapy lined up.

I hope you find yourself making progress to a more fullfilling circumstances soon.  stay strong.