Told not to visit

[Pepin]

It was a surprising weekend.  On Saturday, DH announced that he needed to go visit PDmil the next day as it has been a couple of weeks.      Ugh, is the phone not enough?  I don't even get to visit with my friends or family.  Anyway, Sunday was of course Father's Day.  I wasn't going to fight DH on visiting his mother since she wouldn't be present for the dinner we were having for him.  Win for me.

Then DH flatly tells me after calling his mother that she says there is no need for him to come over.  He really seemed *concerned*.  Uh...gross.  Whatever.  So, we went on with our day. 

What I find difficult to handle is why DH is so indebted to her.  Like her world is going to fall apart if he doesn't swoop in and do something for her.  Or maybe he feels like HIS world is going to fall apart if he doesn't see her.  I don't know.  This enmeshment dynamic they have going on really throws me for a loop.  I wonder what he is going to be like when she isn't around anymore?

I feel like he was treating a visit with her like a chance to get away and get out of the house?  And instead, we just kind of hung around and did our usual.    

While I am glad that she told him not to visit, what do you think she is up to?  DH is the golden child and I know she waits for his calls and always has some sort of to do list for him. 

[Leonor]

Um, I think she was up to driving a wedge between you and your dh by playing silly "who does he love more?" games on father's day so that she could score a "win" over you by testing dh: who are you first, a son or a father?Since dh said he would leave you and attend to her, she won, got her fix and dropped it.

[GentleSoul]

Hello Pepin

As I read your post, my gut reaction is the same as Leonor mentions.   Is all silly mind games, looking for "wins".  For "supply". 

Sorry you have this in your life.   

[Pepin]

You are definitely both right on this one.  I will be more careful with setting boundaries with DH as a result of what happened on Father's Day with PDmil and her treatment of DH.