I'm Finally Here!

[alwaysrunning]

After reading articles and thinking about joining the forums for the past seven months, I'm finally here.  I've been dealing with my personal struggle with a BPD whom was brought in to my family's life when my brother impregnated her while traveling for work.  None of us had any clue about the tumultuous and terrifying journey we were about to embark on.  Not only have I had to muddle through my own relationship with her (the BPD), but I've had to carry my brother's depression/addiction issues related to the BPD, my mother's anxiety related to the entire situation, but also the journey of my dear sweet innocent niece - a toddler now, who never asked to be part of any of this.  I saw someone post that they were tired, and I couldn't agree more.  When family is involved, especially a child, it's not easy to just 'move on'  from the person causing the pain and turmoil.  So, we must constantly be 'the bigger person' and shove away our feelings in order to march on.  I sometimes feel like I'm in a war and I'm trying to fight for freedom, while carrying a few other people on my back reminding them constantly what we are fighting for.  I'll be posting more in a forum shortly, so thank you for having this site available for those of us struggling, and I am looking forward to having some allies who understand what dealing with this illness is like.  I am not sure which forum is best for me though.  Although she (BPD) never married my brother, if she had, she'd be my SIL.  However, I have helped raised my niece the past year, having her an average of 50 - 75% of the time, which has put me in a 'co-parent' relationship with her.  Any suggestions on best forum for my situation?

[Starboard Song]

Welcome!

As you read, you'll find the right place, where most stories resonate. You may find that you split time between two places that both fit. It sounds like treating this as a SIL situation is the most likely spot for you. So you'd be in PD Siblings and Other Family Members. But really, wherever the stories you read resonate, wherever you think you'll be best understood, that's where you belong.

We're glad you found us.

Be good. Be strong.

[PeanutButter]

Welcome. Im glad you finally joined our community!

I know you are tired from carrying the weight of feeling responsible for others in your life. That certianly is exhausting especially if you are shoving all of your emotions away. Ignoring them does not make them gone. I would imagine your body is really feeling the strain of those. When we neglect ourselves to try to care for everyone else, who will care for us? Self care is essential!

I hope you find the strength to try new ways of reacting and coping that you learn here.

https://outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do
"A collection of some of the most common reactions and responses to personality disordered behaviors that many of us have instinctively tried, sometimes over and over, but that have not been effective in most cases in helping improve our quality of life or the quality of life of those who have the personality disorder."

See ya around the boards.

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group alwaysrunning,

i think that if you are caring for your niece that much your situation counts as a coparenting one- with a twist because you are working to parent with TWO other individuals, one who may be uPD.  i think the coparenting board could also be a sounding board and a place to find some go-tos when things become difficult with either your brother or the niece's mother.

Co-parenting and Secondary Relationships

see you on the boards