Common Sense

Started by Bowsy26, June 25, 2020, 12:36:43 PM

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Bowsy26

It often amazes me how little common sense my dnpdh H has.  Or is it that he ignores common sense just to get a reaction from me?  I'm more and more thinking it is a purposeful choice as the people he works with don't mention any shortcomings he had on his job. 

Today he took our dog outside while he sat on the patio.  We have new neighbors who put in a pool so all the new sounds are anathema to the dog and he was barking incessantly.  I was busy inside but after 15 minutes I stuck my head out the door and told him to manage his dog.  It was the perfect opportunity to work on the "no bark" command.  Get some treats and put your attention on the dog.  He just looked at me blankly and said "huh?  what's the matter?   Oh, okay" like this had not occurred to him but - as usual - he would do what I "ordered" him to do. 

To me, it is common sense that you don't let your dog go nuts barking (which is what he does when triggered - it is part of his breed) when you are trying to be a good neighbor.  Since this seems to only happen to me, I'm thinking it might be more purposeful than a lack of common sense.  I do remember a woman at a gathering once who I later learned had had an affair with H commenting about some advice H had given her.  He had advised her on disciplining her teenager and she said his suggestion made no sense.  I think the romance must have been over or nearly over and she being given the same kind of BS. 

Is lack of common sense something PDs tend to have or is this more gaslighting do you think? 

D.Dan

#1
When my uPDs would go against common sense or conveniently forget how to do things they've done/known for years, I figure it's "chaos manufacturing". That's how it always felt to me, creating chaos from nothing.

I forgot to mention how sometimes it would fall under selective competence. Usually to escape a task they didn't want to do and we're trying to get me to do it instead.

Bowsy26

D.Dan:  H is big on liking chaos.  He once told me, in one of his rare, occasional moments of openness, that he loved chaos b/c it helped keep the focus off what he was actually doing and on all the activity around him instead.   :stars:  So sad he is willing to use this beautiful animal in his quest. 

D.Dan

#3
My uPDex admitted years ago, that he did this because he was bored.

I did find that a lot of the time, it was meant to distract me. A red herring (I think that's how it's spelled).

SparkStillLit

I find that updh often uses the dogs as chaos generators. If they get to barking, he goes apes*t yelling and screaming in these loud cursing sentences . .because THAT'S de-escalating the situation!
If they come near him to greet or lick and he doesn't want to be bothered (which is usually) he will raise up his hands and start ranting at the dogs, instead of using a simple, calm instructiĆ²n word that they understand. This is usually for me to "do something with them".....like say the word or phrase? They're very well trained.

clara

Sometimes I think they don't bother developing their common sense (and I've seen the lack of it in several NPDs I've known) because they have a knack of making anything that happens a win-win for them.  So if they fall prey to a scam, they get the privilege of loudly complaining and crying over how they were "had" and how much work they have to do in cleaning up the mess they essentially created for themselves (chaos manufacture, indeed!).  If they happen to make the right decision, then they can crow about how smart and capable etc. they are.  The actual event can take second place to all the emotion and drama surrounding it.

Poison Ivy

Not necessarily a lack of common sense, but it does involve a dog: My sister's ex is living with her this summer (long story, I won't include it all here). Anyway, he thinks he's the dog whisperer or something. Yesterday, he was walking both dogs and apparently let them off their leashes when he was at the park. One of the dogs (C) ran home to my sister's house. Ex came back to the house with the other dog (B) and said he was going to take C out again to teach her a lesson. Not long after, C reappeared at the house, again alone and unleashed. Then ex came back and took C out AGAIN.

At this point, it was obvious to me that sister's ex was on a power trip and did not understand that no matter one's opinion of what a dog "should" be able to do, one should think first about what the dog likely WILL do. They did make it back safely, but I spent the entire night and some of this morning worrying, because my sister forgot to let me know that ex and C had returned to her house.

Bowsy26

Poison Ivy, I remember reading about your BIL.  Total lack of common sense and an inability to regulate his emotions is what I think.  It upsets me when someone is abusive to an animal who can't understand what the human wants or are expected to do things by mind reading.  You don't teach a dog a lesson, you train them.  Positive reinforcement and treats, I've found, work the best.  H will stand there repeating the dog's name without any command and expect the dog to do whatever it is he is thinking.   :doh:

Clara, I totally agree they have to win, even when everyone around them can see how foolish they are being. 

SparkStillLit, yup, they expect the dog to read their minds. 

When I think about it, it amazes me how little common sense H appears to have in so many areas.  Since he lives in his own little world of entitlement and grandiosity, what need does he have for developing common sense?  I was always there to smooth things for him when his behavior would be inappropriate.  Not for long now, though. 


yellowdaisy

Quote from: clara on June 26, 2020, 09:20:17 AM
Sometimes I think they don't bother developing their common sense (and I've seen the lack of it in several NPDs I've known) because they have a knack of making anything that happens a win-win for them. 

I totally agree. I feel like the NPD's sense of entitlement creates laziness and thus them lacking the need to have common sense, because they always get what they want anyway. Common sense would be too much work.

tragedy or hope

dog whispering,
My unpdh will let the dog lick him incessantly. when she is on his lap he will point it out to me... "look at your dog..." look at what I think? she is licking sweat off your arm but I say nothing,
then he commands her to come to me as if doing me a favor. He plays with her chasing her around the house... then when she barks etc.. you need to get your dog.
he tells me when she is feeling neglected. he seems to know everything about her. When I offer to get him a dog, he says he does not want one. the only reason he plays with mine is because i neglect her. which I do not! When I am busy she is in the room I am in. I just don't sit for hours playing video games so the comfort spot is next to someone warm who rarely moves. he thinks it's because she likes him more.
whatever!
"When people show you who they are, believe them."
~Maya Angelou

Believe it the first time, or you will spend the rest of your life in disbelief of what they can/will do; to you. T/H

Family systems are like spider webs. It takes years to get untangled from them.  T/H

ToAudrey

Very much yes! Multiple examples of showing a lack of common sense.  I've had to stop reacting to it as when I get a "wait what?" Look on my face I get berated for my 'tone'. Often it is a childlike outlook on how things work. Once before he moved in to my house he thought we should vault the ceilings and did not understand that would be expensive as there was venting and things in the ceiling that would all need rerouted and changed around to do such a thing decades after construction. Like they are things that 'can' happen but takes a expense and time and process and he'll just suggest them to me and to others as though it is like getting a packet of gum. Usually I can ignore it but it's started to come up during rages that we are going to do X when it is an expensive a complicated thing that would fall all to me and I'm not drowning in more debt for things.

Several cases of falling for low grade scams like upsells, ordering from scam websites, and waste of money. Many many examples of selective competence.

Yellowdaisy: I now wonder the same about the laziness tied to entitlement. Being stuck at the house I now see just how little gets done and yet the grandiose way he will speak for hours (easily for 7-8 hours a day) on end to people on the phone!