Extreme overreaction to pain

[ICantThinkOfAName]

I don't know if this is PD related or not, but my uOCPDh has always had an over the top reaction to pain.  I've never seen it in anyone before, even I think a 2 year old could hold it together better than him.  He had a cramp in his leg the other night and he jumped out of bed screaming and clasping at his heart with honest to god terror in his eyes.  Just over and over screaming and gasping as if he had been literally stabbed with a knife.  Now I get it leg cramps are painful but I've never reacted that way nor seen anyone react that way, even when I fell and injured myself, I was just more stunned than anything.  I feel so horrible because I honestly can't put together an ounce of empathy for him because this happens SO often.  When he stopped screeching I was like oh leg cramp right?  Just as deadpan and unemotional as can be.  It's such a disconcerting event and once it happens I can't get myself to calm down, meanwhile he's gone back to sleep.  I thought that by not playing into the drama, he would give it up.  But no.  I've even said things like, when you do that it alarms the kids.  He just says, well I can't help it, I'm in pain!  I also know that having a previous or current opioid addiction causes issues with pain tolerance.  But that doesn't really explain the dramatic reaction.  I honestly don't think it's something he can control because he doesn't look like he is doing it for attention.  But then again, I could be wrong.

His friends even have made fun of him for the seemingly delicate nature of his pain tolerance.  He stubs his toe or gets a splinter and the reaction is disproportionate to the injury.  It truly is strange.  Has anyone else had experience with this?  It almost seems as if he is mentally at a 1 year old level of reaction to pain. 

[11JB68]

I'm at a point with my uOCPDh where I cannot tell how much is real and how much is being done to get sympathy or his own way.
He does have health issues. Had a mild  heart attack in Feb. But as I've posted previously he has back pain, knee pain, foot pain etc. but it seems to come and go depending on what suits his needs at any given time.
I was given a guilt trip for hours (off an on, not hours long discussion) one night because he came to tell me I had 'missed a spot' on the kitchen counter cleaning up from dinner and I said to him "And?" and he got upset that I was expecting HIM to clean it (??) "My back hurts so badly I can barely stand up"; yet yesterday he went out and did heavy yard work with DS and not a peep of complaint.
The real message was I should never ask him nor expect him to do Anything.

[Spidernest]

I also can't tell whats real and whats not. My BPDSO does have some real physical problems, but so often overreacts to "pain" that I don't know what actually hurts them. They also constantly ask for massages and touches to make them feel better, I know it just feeds them but it's so frustrating when they get mad because I don't want to do something.

Mine also has addiction issues (present and former), but I don't think it's acceptable as an excuse. I try to respond deadpan, but it gets difficult when they get so angry!

[Xyz]

Saturday night, the PD I am with woke me up shouting about a leg cramp.  He continued shouting, thrashing around the bed.  He demanded that I rub his leg, which I started to do; he shouted GET OUT OF BED AND RUB IT!  I was doing that, standing next to the bed, rubbing his leg; he shouted STOP RUBBING IN ONE SPOT!  MOVE AROUND!  He doesn't have a pattern of over-reacting to pain; I believe this was done to disrupt my sleep, which he does most nights.  When I finally got back in bed, I looked at my phone; it was 5am.  He had woken me earlier that night, telling me to put my hand on his back; I didn't look at the time then, but I suspect it was the three o'clock hour, as that seems to be his favorite hour for waking me up.   

[SeaBreeze]

Same with uNPDh. He will stub his toe or hit his knee, and yes that can certainly hurt like heck for a few minutes, but you would think from his reaction that he's on fire. As for me, I have a chronic pain disorder so basically hurt 24/7. I have learned over the years to manage it without medication and actually have mostly "good" (for me) days. But of course H has no sympathy for my disorder and has told me a few times that my problem is I have no pain tolerance..??? Yet if he bumps into the coffee table, it is a big grand display of writhing agony.   

[11JB68]

Sometimes I think it is literally a desire for us to caretake them
Last night h insisted something was wrong with his toe and insisted I look. I could see nothing. H: nothing to put a bandaid on? (No)
Later he picked a dry patch on his face and it started bleeding. Right before bed. Insisted I get a bandaid and put it on him.
Like a child.

[SparkStillLit]

It's endless low level medical issues for which he will normally not see a professional, but I will certainly not hear the end of it.

[Psuedonym]

Oh it's 100% a PD thing. My mother did this my entire life. She would sneeze and it sounded like someone screaming. We'd look at her and she'd say 'I can't help it." She also had what we referred to ask 'the sick voice', which was a dramatic laryngitis-like whisper. The problem was she would forget to do the sick voice after about 5 minutes and go back to speaking normally. If you pointed out that she sounded better, the sick voice would return. It's absolutely a ploy to get attention. My H, who is very much the opposite of a PD, also has a chronic pain condition. I have to drag it out of him if he's feeling worse than usual and he only reluctantly will tell me. That's because non PD people don't go around trying to elicit pity or constant concern from everyone. As for leg cramps, I had horrible ones for years; I honestly think they might have been related to stress. Every time I got one, I would try to get up as nonchalantly as possible and try to walk it off. H would inevitably notice and say 'are you okay' and I'd say "i'm fine, it's nothing, it will go away in a minute,' because as an adult you realize that yes your leg hurts quite a bit but it will also go away soon and screaming about is totally unnecessary and unfair to the people around you.  You are right ICantThinkOfAName, they behave like 2 year olds. I think emotionally that's about how old they are.

[SparkStillLit]

H does another thing that....well, let's just call it concerning. It's sporadic and hasn't happened in a while. Oh hell, he does a bunch of things, ok? He's always mentioning "brain scans" and such, but never TO A DR. He doesn't even HAVE a regular GP. He hasn't taken the time to go through the admitted goat rodeo to get one. But if one were concerned, you would, right?
I think I've mentioned I've got mugraines. I have for over 20 years, but a few years ago I fainted at work from one, and since then I've been closely managed and on daily preventative. This seems in an odd way to be some sort of...trigger...? to h. I don't talk much about it. He always asks about my appointments and then gets kind of loud about whatever went on. He's solicitous during a migraine (he'd better be, people in that much pain might be dangerous, lol) but a lot less so in the "hangover" phase. It's almost as if the regular careful attention paid by a specialist and something about me taken seriously by a professional is off putting, when he can't get care, but I don't want to think like that.

[Xyz]

Oh it's 100% a PD thing. My mother did this my entire life. She would sneeze and it sounded like someone screaming. We'd look at her and she'd say 'I can't help it."

The PD I'm with does this.  He sneezes in an extremely loud and exaggerated way, no matter when or where.  When I have questioned him about it, he says I can't help it, it's the way I sneeze, it's not healthy to hold it in, you want me to get sick, you're not going to make me sick, blah blah blah.  He also doesn't cover his sneezes or coughs.