Taking credit for children's work

[yellowdaisy]

So I caved the other day and lurked on my uPDMIL's social media, which I don't want to do, but I gave in to the curiosity. I've been NC for a couple months now. On her professional/business profile she has always listed her adult children's accomplishments, from the time they were kids, to teens, and now adults, which I've always thought was odd. Especially bc not even a few months ago she was telling DH that he doesn't know anything because he's too young, that he's an infant, that just because he has his own family now he thinks he knows everything when he doesn't, etc she even went as far to say he's "dead to her" after he wouldn't agree with what she was saying. But then I see on her profile she has recently updated it and included what DH is accomplishing professionally right now, under her work experience as a SAHM. She has all of her children's college GPAs listed (which she made up DH's bc there's no way for her to know what it currently is as he hasn't told her), what their careers are (except conveniently leaves out the jobs that don't seem so glamourous, like her one adult child working in a restaurant part time) and also has listed what the adult children are going to accomplish in the future. Seems super odd to list accomplishments/plans that haven't even happened yet, especially when the adult child you're talking about has barely spoken to you in the passed 5 years.

I'm just wondering when is this going to stop? Never? Is DH going to be middle aged with teens of his own and she's still going to be taking credit for his work? From the looks of it, I suppose so.

Since learning about PDs I knew that they can view their children as extensions as themselves, but it is especially unsettling to see it in black and white on paper, publicly posted for everyone to see. It makes me shudder to think about what she thinks privately in her own mind about her kids.
I would like to hear from anyone else who has experienced a PD taking credit for someone else's work and I just wanted to also get this off my chest and share it because it's really annoying and frustrating knowing someone who has emotionally abused your DH is still taking credit for all of his work and using it to make themselves look good, she's been unemployed ever since she became a mom and now that all her kids are adults she doesn't have much professionally to boast about for her image. It's also a huge invasion of privacy I think, DH rarely uses social media and it is his right to post info publicly about his life or not. DH was bothered about her posting about him, but I don't think he is planning on doing anything about it. Any advice on how to handle this, if he does choose to take actions to stop it? Is it better to just let her do it and just be happy we have peace finally with NC? Has anyone else experienced this?

[Andeza]

PDs usually aren't good at changing, unless it's to get worse. That said, yes, she'll probably keep on keeping on. Regardless, or even in spite of, how it makes you or your DH feel.

If your DH wants to address it, I'd leave the handling of it up to him. His pdM after all, and that lets you hold onto your peace and quiet. Ultimately, personally I wouldn't waste time or effort. PD delusionland being what it is, she is probably in denial about the NC saying he'll come back to her in the end. And you are correct, she is completely viewing her children as extensions of herself, holding up their accomplishments for all the world to see whilst saying "Look what I did!"

This, along with other reasons, is why I don't use social media at all. Good luck to you both.

[Swarley]

Yes, she's viewing and treating her children as an extension of herself and she will probably continue doing it. It's hard to get folks who view the world
through the lens of their PD to understand that their view is not normal or why what they're doing is wrong.   

From a career standpoint this is not a smart way to do a professional profile and will self-limit your prospects. 

[yellowdaisy]

@Andeza I think you're totally right this will probably never change or actually get worse if it does. The longer it goes on I'm sure the more bizarre the behavior will get.  And definitely agree I'll be leaving the handling to DH if he decides to do anything about it, I'm content with my peace! Best to ignore it all completely.

@Swarley That's what I was thinking too, After reading the profile I thought, well what in the world do other people think of this? Very strange, but like you said people who view the world through their PD will probably never understand that what they are doing may be quite odd or wrong. I'm shocked sometimes by the bizarre behavior but at the same time am not surprised at all.