Question about MIL

[Jesse7319]

Hey all,

Quick question, my very NPD MIL is constantly trying to get her adult children to call other family members. For example, she just texted her 4 kids and sent a novel length message saying how special it would make their paternal grandfather feel if they sent him a card or called him for his 80th birthday on Monday, gave his address and phone numbers and then sent another text saying how great it would be if they did it. Why do you think she does this? It definitely isn't out of the goodness of her heart. Lol. It's not always for an occasion either, sometimes it's just random like oh you need to call such and such because he hasn't heard from you in a while. It's annoying. If my husband or his siblings wanted to reach out to people in the family they would.

Thanks for reading!

[xredshoesx]

when my MIL does stuff like that it's either to take credit for it, triangulate a situation between her 4 kids she speaks to (5th is AWOL after getting caught faking MS) or *both*.   we're the farthest away from her physically so my DH, the oldest, gets less of it now then before MIL moved across state.  now his baby brother/ wife get the most 'attention'.  it used to be baby sister (when MIL worked with her) and then other sister because she had the two grandkids MIL had access too.  we've kind of been painted black since i told my MIL she couldn't decide she was going to live in my house without discussing it with *me* first..... ty again Out of the FOG for teaching me boundaries!

[roughdiamonds1]

It's hard to say why she would do it, but it could literally just be a simple control thing - liking to be the person the middle and the one who calls the shots. Not letting go of that strong matriarch role that she may have played as a younger mother?

[all4peace]

I'm now mother to 2 new adults. I fight the urge to do this. For me, it's a wish for my now-adult kids to value their family relationships, and somewhat controlling. It's hard to know what someone else's motives are, but as adults your husband and his siblings are free to ignore her suggestions

[UglyLove666]

I agree with roughdiamonds regarding how it's difficult to know why people engage in certain types of behavior.

My very NPD MIL has attempted to engage me and my DH by using triangulation but we are better able to deflect now that we are Out of the FOG. 

My DH's sisters, on the other hand, are still in the FOG and participate quite regularly.