Escape is Now Certain!

BeautifulCrazy · June 21, 2020, 04:43:08 PM

I found a place for me and my kids to live! A cute little house in a great neighborhood.
I paid the rent and all deposits and fees and signed the lease this afternoon! I take possession on the 1st of July.
We are getting out!!

I'M SO EXCITED!!!

Even though every single time he goes off on a rant he tells me to "get the #@$& out of his house", he is going to come unglued when he realizes I am actually doing it.
I'm terrified.
I know things are going to get crazy because they did a couple of years ago, the first time I left. The only place left for things to escalate to right now is physical assault. I know the statistics and I know my experience with this man. It's a dangerous time.

Despite the fear I'm super excited! I can't wait to be on the other side of this!

It's ten days. Anything could happen. Pray for us.

~BC

Poison Ivy · June 21, 2020, 04:55:09 PM

Congratulations!

You're right about the risks; please put together a safety plan if you don't have one already.

GettingOOTF · June 21, 2020, 05:15:09 PM

This is great news. Congrats. The 10 days will go quickly.

Please be safe and as Poison Ivy says, have a safety plan.

He will likely sense something from your mood change. Don't let him provoke your into telling him your plans before you can leave. My ex had a sixth sense about these things. He either exploded or suddenly became the perfect husband.

Stay safe.

SeaGlass · June 21, 2020, 05:18:23 PM

Congratulations!

Bowsy26 · June 21, 2020, 05:23:27 PM

This is terrific news. I'm so glad for you!!

Please have a plan to safely leave. Even if you have to take the kids and sleep on someone's couch. If he has escalated/decompensated before when you were leaving, he likely will again. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If you can, consult a shelter as to what to do to stay safe.

I can't wait to hear you are on the other side and in your new home!

Free2Bme · June 23, 2020, 08:17:28 AM

BC,

Safety, safety, safety. Please.

Do you have someone who can stay with you at the new place for a while? I left without warning and my H was very unstable for a while. He perceived it as getting over on him, scary stuff.

I am elated for you and will be praying for a peaceable escape.

Keep us posted!

PeanutButter · June 23, 2020, 08:38:41 AM

BeautifulCrazy that is fantastic.

This is the beginning of a new chapter in your life. You have been through so much and although its not over some hard stuff is around the corner your strength, courage, and spirit of hope will get you through.

Be very careful to stay safe and I will pray for you!

pushit · June 23, 2020, 10:33:47 AM

Congrats!!! Over time you will find it very freeing, and you will slowly become yourself again.

STAY SAFE - I strongly recommend having other people there (not just your kids) when you move your things out, or even better have a police officer present to keep the peace. Every time I've had to deal with my exPDw (doesn't matter what the issue is) she will behave if there are other people watching. If no one is around, yeah......not so much. If the police are present to keep the peace, then your ex will be aware the police already know you are moving and where you are moving to. That would likely give him pause about harassing you at your new house.

I would also recommend keeping all communication in writing from now on. If there is any harassment or manipulation you will then have written documentation of it all, in case you ever need to show the courts. When I divorced, I allowed my exPDw to call me once to see how it goes. She immediately became threatening and manipulative so I cut the call short and have only communicated in writing ever since. It's a game changer, you can wait to gather your thoughts and respond, and they are aware that other people may see it so they behave better.

BeautifulCrazy · June 23, 2020, 07:58:32 PM

I am planning to go completely No Contact once I am out. I will Block his phone numbers, I will NOT tell him where I am living. I have spoken to police about getting a Restraining Order but so far I do not have adequate reason to successfully file and have one issued. I CAN get a peace bond though, which requires him to "keep the peace" toward me. I will do that but only if I don't have to provide my new address.

We have NO children in common and NO assets in common so, theoretically, I should be able to go No Contact quite easily.
I will leave the name of my lawyer in case he wishes to file for divorce or communicate about anything important.

pushit · June 23, 2020, 09:08:52 PM

Sounds like a great plan. I was under the impression that you had minor children together...

I can say that if we didn't share children my exPDw would never hear from me again. Sadly, she just creates problems for me. I'm a little bit jealous that you have the opportunity to go No Contact. I tread the line between not wanting my kids to grow up too fast and very much looking forward to the time when they're all adults so there is little to speak with my exPDw about.

blunk · June 24, 2020, 08:55:45 AM

That is great new BeautifulCrazy!

You deserve this. I hope that you are able to find peace and happiness in your freedom!

Spygirl · July 02, 2020, 06:19:46 PM

Hello dear,

Did you get away ok?