"Fixit man's" flailing

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mazenavigator

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"Fixit man's" flailing
« on: July 04, 2020, 10:01:10 PM »
So, holiday time and my parent's "go-to" behaviors are kicking in.  My mom is to withdraw and play the victim.  My dad is to "fix things" and bring the family together.

Getting up there in years (late 70s) their strategies are just making me a little sad at this point.  My wife has set her boundaries with my mom and it's been super-great for her and I'm all in. I have set boundaries with them as well, but they're in a huge space of denial. Anyway... Long story short:  My dad wanted to bring us all together for the holiday. My wife and I are not really interested in that.  I'm happy to talk to both of my parents to see how they're doing, but...    My dad's plans of having everybody have a video call together have crashed and burned with the best of the fireworks of the day!  My mom is "triggered" by phone calls and needed to take a nap.  My wife doesn't want to speak with her (and rightly so).  I honestly just want to say hi to my dad. I'm glad my mom is able to take care of herself and has the opportunity to make want she wants of this life.

For me it's the best possible outcome... I get to talk to my dad and see what's up. My mom just wallows in the "poor me" but clearly cannot muster the strength to speak with me.

Anyway, feeling a mixed bag of gratitude and sadness and thought I'd share.  For me it is certainly not easy dealing with personality disorders but I'm enjoying a rainy 4th of July and am going to sleep well tonight!   Have a good one.

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Bloomie

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Re: "Fixit man's" flailing
« Reply #1 on: July 05, 2020, 12:58:03 PM »
Mazenavigator - I am so glad you shared. It seems like you and your wife have come to a good agreement and you accept where your mother is at and take the good of having a chance to speak with your dad and move on with a nice day. Bravo!!
"You can understand and have compassion for someone and still not want a relationship with them."
Amanda E. White, LPC @therapyforwomen

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SunnyMeadow

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Re: "Fixit man's" flailing
« Reply #2 on: July 05, 2020, 04:55:49 PM »
It's good you're able to talk with your dad and have a clear understanding of your mom's poor me thinking. Sad that your mom is in the "all about me" thinking. You're right, it's not easy dealing with personality disorders.

Like Bloomie said, seems like you and your wife are in a good place in accepting in the relationship. Good job working through it!