Mom dying shit continues

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Ariel

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Mom dying shit continues
« on: July 11, 2020, 02:33:58 AM »
So I’m looking where to post this and everything fit. Jackpot! Should I put in Pd patents, nc with patents, pd sibling everything fits because my family is so messed up. My dad, the only one in my family of origin who loved me died a few months ago. My mom or sister didn’t tell me but my niece did. As they are about to pull the life support plug my sister is on the phone telling me my dad is doing good and is going home ( I live several states away . ) now my mom goes in the hospital, I’m calling for days. I broke no contact. Big mistake.. no one, my sister or mom tells me! Then my niece is having a baby and her friend is giving her a shower. My sisters friend’s daughter is giving it. I tell my niece that I haven’t received an invitation. She said they aren't sending invitations, because my sister only wants My mom and her friends family. Basically not me or her son. But my niece wants me to come.
So I’m feeling sorry for myself. Feeling unloved and unwanted. Even at the end of my moms life. It sucks. My husband and kids love me. But I guess I was holding out for the recognition from my mom. Crazy and  it won’t happen
« Last Edit: July 11, 2020, 02:41:05 AM by Ariel »

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Maxtrem

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Re: Mom dying shit continues
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2020, 11:00:34 AM »
I'm really sorry you're going through all this. I didn't go through it personally, but my great grandfather (he was clearly PD) even used his will/inheritance to triangulate and blame his children after his death. He had clearly stated why one child would receive more money than another and why another would receive nothing. The worst thing is that in my country the will is read in front of all the heirs; in short, he wanted to make his children feel guilty one last time and humiliate them. Yet he was a very violent man physically and psychologically (he had a place reserved in hell for him for sure), but in his sick mind he thought he had the right to do so. As a result, my grandmother and her sister were still talking about it 40 years later and mentioned that her father had never loved any of his children or even any of his wives.

You mentioned that your husband and children love you and I think that is the most important thing! I have always felt that the most unconditional love I've ever had in my life is my girlfriend's love (it's a feeling, I know it's not true), but it does me a lot of good!

I wish you good luck, personally I think it might be a good thing that you don't see your mother before she dies (some PDs in my family use their death to maintain the FOG). 
« Last Edit: July 12, 2020, 08:59:29 AM by Spring Butterfly »

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SunnyMeadow

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Re: Mom dying shit continues
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2020, 11:01:06 AM »
I completely get wanting love and recognition from your mom. I mean, that's what moms give right?  Nope! Not these kind of moms. They don't and I'm sorry you're feeling this loss.

These kind of moms are all about themselves. It's all about them, over and over, their whole lives. It took me so long to see this and let it sink in. Now that I know, it's a little bit easier to see her as a selfish person instead of my mom. I've learned to expect nothing from her, which is exactly what she gives. I see her as a viper waiting to strike and cause pain. Somehow it feels easier to know this because I take the "mom" relationship out of it. She's a sick, damaged person.

It totally sucks that we have these types of mothers. Please be easy on yourself, enjoy your husband and kids and try to put mom and sis on the back burner. Protect yourself and spend time with people who aren't damaging to you.

 :hug:

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Ariel

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Re: Mom dying shit continues
« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2020, 02:46:39 AM »
Thank e Maxtrem and sunny meadow. Ian trying to distance. I east really good for awhile. I donít have really any relationship with my mom . No hate no love it feels very impersonal except for the hurt and my guard is so up to protect against hurt. I had Facebook but it was very private. Well my sister made up lies saying I was near my moms house in January. I wasnít . I live 7 hours away. My mother said I canít believe you were here , your sister saw it on Facebook, and you didnít see your dad. I said I wast it was a lie. And told her the reason I didnít come was because she treated my bad and talked nasty to me. My dad had demeans wouldnít remember if I was there anyway. So she totally ignores what I said about her behavior and says I could seen him but not her.( totally impossible as she lives with him) returns back to this s few minutes later and says I canít believe you didnít visit and weíre near her. I ignored it since it was asked and answered,
So she still has it on her to dig at me. So why do I feel like what kind of daughter doesnít visit her mother?

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Andeza

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Re: Mom dying shit continues
« Reply #4 on: July 12, 2020, 12:04:04 PM »
The kind of daughter that has suffered a lifetime of abuse, insane stress, guilt tripping,  manipulation, and insults. That's what kind. I know it feels weird, but you're just protecting yourself. You have the right to do so.  :yes: I'm sorry they're putting you through this, but they can't have their cake and eat it. She already crapped on your childhood, she has no right to do it to your adulthood as well. Though she desperately wants to.