Maybe almost there?

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Maybe almost there?
« on: July 11, 2020, 01:15:13 PM »
I've been trying to do a phone consultation with an attorney for a few weeks. First appt got mixed up. Rescheduled for yesterday and got myself very worked up and prepared for it. She had court that ran over so had to reschedule for Monday.
Meanwhile, I have a car repair appt on 7/31, in the town where my friend lives who I would stay with if I leave. We're meeting for coffee, she works from home that day.
In my mind I have that day set tentatively as the day I leave. I could secretly pack some stuff in my car, maybe have him served that day and just not come back.
Can you choose a specific date to have someone served?
I'm so incredibly anxious and nervous when I think about this.
I feel like I have to set a date and see if I can stick with it.
A lot depends on my conversation with the lawyer, so hoping Mondays appt sticks and is helpful.
I keep picturing in my mind uocpdh's reaction. I believe he will LOSE his mind. In what way... Not sure... Flip out angry or deep depression/suicidal... They both scare me. I really don't want to hurt him but I have to save myself.



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Re: Maybe almost there?
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2020, 02:50:28 PM »
Keeping fingers crossed that the appointment stays on schedule! Have you had a chance to picture your reaction to saving yourself?



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Re: Maybe almost there?
« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2020, 08:11:44 PM »
Yes, you can choose the exact date you want someone served. My L drew up the papers and held onto them for almost a month, until I told her when to file/serve them.
Good luck to you!
You can't destroy me if I don't care.

Being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever ok.



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Re: Maybe almost there?
« Reply #3 on: July 13, 2020, 02:20:40 AM »
Whiteheron is correct, you choose the date they are served and coordinate that with your lawyer.  We set it for a specific place and time, the best we could.

Funny (now) story - We had a debacle with that when my ex was served.  Originally supposed to be served on a Wednesday at work, blizzard came into town and the server couldn't make it there.  Good thing, because I was at home with the kids unexpectedly and couldn't have left the house for a hotel like I wanted to.  Changed it to serve her the next day.  exPDw announced to me at 8:00 on Wednesday night that she would stay home with the kids on Thursday.  So, another last minute email to my lawyer to call it off for another day.  (My lawyer wouldn't serve someone while they're with the kids, for good reason)  She got served on Friday, though there were still a lot of issues with it.  Due to the blizzard there was a backup in people being served, so I didn't know if it would actually happen.  I had taken some essential belongings and planned to be in a hotel, but didn't know if it would happen Friday or wait until Monday.  So when I left for work Friday morning, no clue if my exPDw would be served or if she and the kids would come home and not understand why I took off.  Plus, my lawyer took Friday off for a vacation so I could only speak with the paralegal (thought she was very helpful in talking me through it)  That was a "fun" couple of days.   :stars:  She got served on Friday, and the rest is history.

Just sharing that as the comedy of life, sometimes things never go as planned.  We made it through that disaster, though the ups and downs over those two days were certainly something.  You will get through it, please know that.

And then, of course, the inevitable PD explosion happened.  The following Monday I was served with revenge divorce papers at work from her, and received a fake restraining order through email from my sister, that exPDw had sent to my family but never actually filed with the courts.  You just can't make this stuff up....



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Re: Maybe almost there?
« Reply #4 on: July 13, 2020, 03:54:04 AM »
How about you try not to think about his reaction? You probably have seen it all before  and experienced the possible scenes. How about you consider how you will deal with your feelings - possibly shock, fear, despair, fury - and how you can protect yourself from being exposed to his explosions while at the same time getting help for your own reaction to the change? Please think about how to get help for yourself - you have been exposed to abuse for such a long time, you might have some form of c-PTSD.
I can't hate my way into loving myself.



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Re: Maybe almost there?
« Reply #5 on: July 14, 2020, 10:44:30 PM »
He has a reaction, but if you have blocked on your phone and any other email or social media, you won’t hear or
see it. 

If you can find a distracting activity during the time he is served, so much the better.  Your husband is an adult and totally 100% responsible for his feelings or reactions.

When I left my ex, he had me convinced that I was mentally, emotionally overwrought without the ability to
care for myself or my daughter.

Within a day, after I left, it was very clear that the person with mental issues was not me.  Plus he a moocher pal move in with him, the same day that I left.



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Re: Maybe almost there?
« Reply #6 on: July 15, 2020, 12:48:17 AM »
11JB68 - A part of me is so glad that you are going.  You have had a real hard time of it and deserve so much more.

This next period of time for me was one of great anxiety and fear.  I would be so calm on the outside but inside I was truly frightened.  I had him served at a specific time so I was assured that I was safe and hidden.  I stayed with a friend for the first weekend and then a hotel.  The hotel had his photo on display in case he showed. 

I don't know if he went crazy.  I didn't hear from him for a few weeks.  It was a total surprise for him.  I felt so guilty.  As I said before, all it took was time to reread my journal and posts here to remind me of what I was leaving.

I will keep you in my prayers and send you positive thoughts over the next few weeks.