First time seeking help

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Expat

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First time seeking help
« on: July 13, 2020, 03:02:11 AM »
Hi,

Very new here. Iíve been married for 6 years and my husband has an assortment of personality disorders, some I knew about before marriage and some have been more recently diagnosed. Iím reaching a point where I feel like I understand that this isnít going to change and that itís smart to leave, which is why I found this website. I read through a lot of this site and I just broke down because itís all me. Itís so hard to leave even when I know I deserve more, but the hardest part is that we have an 18-month-old and I donít want her to see this and think itís okay as she ages. Aside from that though, Iím a green card holder and left the life I had in Canada to be in the US with him. I have no desire to stay in this country outside of our marriage, but I know that moving home would mean starting from literally nothing with a toddler in tow. Iím 31 and I donít want this to be my life, but Iím also so afraid of changing it.

I appreciate the chance to speak to others going through this. I wish you all the best and I welcome your wisdom.

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notrightinthehead

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Re: First time seeking help
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2020, 03:38:50 AM »
Welcome! I am sorry you had to find this site and I am glad you did.

As for leaving, you will probably start from nothing whether you leave now or when you are in your fifties. Or you might leave and then come back several times because you find it too hard and have hope that all will be well this time.  As you have a small child you are responsible for, it might be a good idea to collect all the information you can get. Then start making an escape plan, whether you implement it or not.  Start building up a fond that will enable you to live of for a few months. Know all the shelters in your vicinity in case you and your child have to escape in a hurry. Start working on yourself, be it with therapy, CoDA meetings, or talking to trustworthy, understanding family or friends, to find out what made you suceptible to a partner with such problems. Use all means available to you to strengthen your self esteem. Read the Toolbox and start implementing the strategies from there when dealing with your partner.
Keep reading and posting here - see you around on the boards.
Our march to freedom is irreversible. We must not allow fear to stand in our way.  Nelson Mandela

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GettingOOTF

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Re: First time seeking help
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2020, 08:16:42 AM »
Welcome. I also moved here for my ex. I knew no one here. All our friends were his friends. Leaving was so so hard and complicated by the fact I was in a foreign country. My plan was to go home but I ended up staying. My experience of living here changed drastically when I left my ex.

I recommend Codependent No More to everyone in these relationships. It helped me so much and is ultimately how I found the strength to leave.

You will find a lot of support and experience here. Many have been where you are now.