New Member: The Estranged Blacksheep

[BefuddledClarity]

Hey there everyone, how's life treating you? Life's been a mixed-bag lately...

I'm BefuddledClarity, and I joined to find some...clarity. It still feels like there's an overlooming fog that just hasn't quite gone away.

To succinctly describe my background:

-Grew up in a strict, traditional, mult-cultural household(both parents different races/ethnicities, beliefs, etc).

-Been estranged from my parents for a decade or so. The No Contact is on and off, currently it's Low Contact.

-The relationship with my siblings is starting to become overwhelming and stressful, considered going No Contact a couple of times.

-I have my own family now, and do not understand how my parents were the way there are...Making sure to not make the same mistakes.


Anyways, it's nice to meet you all and hope you're all having a great day.

[PeanutButter]

Welcome.
Im glad you found the community.

Im the scapegoat from a disfunctional foo. My ubpdM is abusive and my enD went along with her to get along with her. Im no contact. I have 3 sibs and am no contact by default with them too.

Im on my second marriage. My first H was unpd and abusive just like my ubpdM. My new H is an ACoN and trauma survivor like me. We are muddling through trying to help each other heal.

Im looking forward to swapping thoughts, ideas, feelings, and pd stories with you.

[SunnyMeadow]

Hello! 

Hope to see you on the parents forums and any other ones that'll be helpful for you. I have found so much knowledge and helpful tips here. Definitely helps me to deal with an uNPD mother who is getting even worse in her 80's. Fun times 

[BefuddledClarity]

Thank you all for the warm welcome! 

Im the scapegoat from a disfunctional foo. My ubpdM is abusive and my enD went along with her to get along with her. Im no contact. I have 3 sibs and am no contact by default with them too.

Same, grew up as the scapegoat as well and I also have 3 siblings---all brothers and I am the only sister. I wasn't allowed to do the same things as them growing up. I was verbally and physically abused by my mother. My father wasn't much better either but...he seemed a tiny bit more remorseful than my mother, unlike my mother who's go to line is always "I'm sorry you feel that way, but it's not my fault!".

I'm debating on whether or not to go no contact with my brothers...I have my reasons for it. Mostly that my younger brother has done despicable things but my older brothers, even though they disagree with it, still defend his actions.

Im on my second marriage. My first H was unpd and abusive just like my ubpdM. My new H is an ACoN and trauma survivor like me. We are muddling through trying to help each other heal.

Glad to hear that your new husband is supportive and understanding! With my significant other and I, were both ACoN's AND scapegoats but our approach to our own family is different. My boundaries are rigid and his are rather porous in comparison. He says "but they're family" and says "that was in the past"...He's a lot more forgiving than I am. His bio mother was extremely abusive when he was growing up, and she still is today. But, he doesn't let her use her tactics on him much anymore. She's ignoring him currently for MONTHS because he didn't give in to her demands 'needs'.

Hope to see you on the parents forums and any other ones that'll be helpful for you. I have found so much knowledge and helpful tips here. Definitely helps me to deal with an uNPD mother who is getting even worse in her 80's. Fun times 

Thank you! I'll be in a couple of forums(in-laws, parents, siblings, significant other) haha. Currently, having issues with the siblings though...I plan on posting soon. Ooof! I feel ya! My father is in his 70s and he can be a bit much---and that's an understatement.

[Spring Butterfly]

Adding a warm welcome! If you haven't already seen the Toolbox that's a great place for resources gathered here over time. See you on the boards.

[BefuddledClarity]

Adding a warm welcome! If you haven't already seen the Toolbox that's a great place for resources gathered here over time. See you on the boards.

Hello Spring Butterfly, thank you for the warm welcome! I quite like it here and have been checking out the toolbox occasionally and I have learnt quite a bit from all of you by lurking the forums posts/threads! I still have much to learn! Hope you are having a great weekend!