Self harm

[Gemmaxx]

Would a narcissist ever self harm?
Someone close to me...my friend now...but ex partner who I still love has a diagnosis of bpd after a week on a psych ward a few years ago...but some ot her behaviours seem more in allightment with npd to me...her selt Injury is often very much in your face ...and she will often blame other people and say irs their fault she self harmed. She also speaks of wanting to die often ...

[notrightinthehead]

Hard to say. Best to call emergency services if someone threatens suicide.

[PeanutButter]

Its my understanding that its common to have overlapping disorders.

Have you checked out the traits? https://outofthefog.website/traits It was the most help to me once I could identify maladaptive behaviors and had the language to name what I was seeing.

[blunk]

Threats of both self-harm and suicide are common in those with BPD.

I dealt with an xh who would frequently hit and cut himself. In addition I had to have him admitted once for suicide threats, and later set a boundary that if he even mentioned suicide I would immediately call emergency services to perform a welfare check.

[Gemmaxx]

She was living with me for the past 3 months (she's  currently ran off  out of town with a new woman she met...went the same day and hasn't been back for over a week).
I've got to the point of calling emergency  services  each time she begins threatening suicidie . 
A few weeks ago there was a week of having to restrain her from head butting walls (with what seemed like being done with an intent to kill herself)... it's difficult because she  becomes aggrieved during the episodes ...both physically and  with the things she says.
After she has welf harmed she will take photos to show people and make sure she derives as much attention as she can...she uses it as a way to hook people I often think...

[1footouttadefog]

BPD and NPD are both in the cluster B.  They share some traits and overlap.

What matters more than the diagnosis is the effect the abuse has on you.  You deserve to be abuse free despite the other person's diagnosis. 

[Jsinjin]

Always the best recommendation I have seen from counselors and on this site for any threat of self harm when dealing with a PD (not talking about non PD relationships) is to use the authorities to do a wellness check.   This can be the Police or social services organization for your country and locale.    The reasons are generally that 1) you are not equipped to deal with self harm or suicidal ideation, 2) they are often manipulating you and your are trying to break free of manipulation with this set of FOG tools and 3) if you use a consistent pattern of calling for an auhlthority based wellness check and the threat is a manipulation at all it generally stops because you have reinforced a behavior that you will follow through on an action.   

I have used this and it does change the PD behavior in my experience.

I am not a counselor or therapist with any professional training; I'm simply repeating what I have read on this site and in books related to this subject.  I have not seen any therapist or professional who has not recommended calling the authorities to do a wellness check if someone has threatened self harm or shown signs of suicidal ideation.   

So.  I recommend to anyone I hear who is dealing with a PD relationship where that person is threatening self harm that they call the authorities for a wellness check.

My 2 cents.

[Wilderhearts]

Like 1Foot mentioned, disorders of the same cluster have considerable overlap.  Cluster B personality disorders (BPD, NPD, histrionic, ASPD) are characterized by behaviour that is "overly dramatic, emotional, or erratic."  There is a lot of explosiveness both with BPD and NPD.  ASPD and NPD both show a great deal of self-centredness and "charm."  ASPD and BPD - impulsivity.  HPD and BPD- volatile and dramatic expressions of emotion.  BPD, however, is often distinguished by unstable sense of self: "people with BPD tend to be uncertain about their values, goals, loyalties, careers, choices, or friends..."  and extreme reactions to rejection (e.g., self-injury) are common.  [Quotations from "essentials of abnormal psychology in a changing world."]

Although I believe that the vast majority of people who self-harm are doing it to self-regulate, rather than manipulate others, it's clear she is using it to manipulate both you and others.  If you haven't already, it's time to identify for yourself what your boundaries are.  That is, what are those actions you need to take when her behaviour is unacceptably harmful to you and herself, that will not reinforce her behaviour? 

This is hard for me to say, but I think physically intervening could reinforce the behaviour.  Physically restraining someone gives them attention, physical connection, an expression of caring, and sucks the care-giver directly into the pwBPD's chaos.  It is you literally taking responsibility for her safety when she is willfully endangering herself, i.e., not taking responsibility for her own safety.  It's giving her everything that a pwBPD wants to elicit through manipulation. 

I want you to know I'm not judging you for intervening as you have - it's the intuitive thing to do.  It's distressing to watch someone hurt, more distressing to watch someone be harmed, and even more distressing to watch someone harm themselves.  Self-harm goes against our biological sense of self-preservation, so it disturbs a lot of people.  It's why it's so effective when used as means for manipulating.

I agree with the others that you need to involve emergency services in these situations - she's in need of both medical and mental health professionals when self-harming.