Introduce myself

[Daddio]

Hi,
Not sure where to start. Still in shock and grieving for my marriage.  I think my wife has uppd if that is the right abbreviation to use? Please help.

[11JB68]

Hi there. Saw your other post also.
If you want you can fill us in a bit on your situation, are you living together or apart, married or divorced, etc. And also what behaviors you are struggling with most. Check out the tool box, it's very helpful.

[Daddio]

Thanks for the reply.  On April 14th my w had some sort of psychotic episode and was hospitalised for six weeks.  I was unable to visit her or talk to doctors.

At first I thought this was due to the COVID restrictions but upon release from hospital it started to sink in that she has denied anyone access to her records.

At first she was OK but I have been living through a nightmare watching  my w of 41unravel before my eyes. 

I was doing the woe thing but according to her nothing I did was ever right.  Things finally reached tipping point on June 14 and the police were called.

Two officers spoke to us both individually and then swapped. Satisfied that I was not a danger to my w they left.

Then her brother arrived.  They spoke upstairs for an hour and then both came down.  My w said nothing. I then had the ignominy of having my brother in law tell me that my marriage was over.

Under threat of an AVO I quickly packed a backpack and left.  I have been living with my son since.  She has been ghosting me since I left.

[Daddio]

Thanks Hero member.  I've just read through the tool box.  Very helpful.  I'm having weekly therapy sessions which is helping enormously and helped me to find this forum.

It looks like I've doing some things right and some not!  I never thought we'd be in this position.  We are both school teachers in Australia and had one eye on retirement. 

Now everything has gone out the window.

[sad_dog_mommy]

Hi Daddio!

I am sorry you are in this situation but you have found a place where you will find people with stories that are similar to yours.   In one way or another we have all been at that heartbreaking crossroad where we searched the Internet for answers about our partner's behavior.

The more I learned about by ex-bf's diagnosed condition (borderline personality disorder) the easier it was for me to make decisions based on rational facts instead of with my heart who still had deep feelings for him.   As the "FOG" lifted it was easier for me to see how long we had been on a dysfunctional rollercoaster.  Hindsight really is 20/20. 

You are not alone.

I do not know about separation/divorce laws where you live but you might want to have a consultation with an attorney so you know what you are responsible for (financially) now that you have left the home.  Knowledge is power.

You are not alone.   Read as many posts on the different message forums.

((( hug )))

[Daddio]

Thanks sad_dog_mommy,

Just hearing that I'm not alone means so much to me and I'm glad I've found some people I can reach out to.  My personal integrity means everything to me and to have it questioned repeatedly by my wife and her brothers has been devastating.

Thanks for the advice about seeking legal advice.  I only read yesterday that people with PPD tend to be litigious so I will need to be prepared for that. 

Take care with COVID.  In Melbourne we are just going into week two of a six week lockdown.