When I say no I feel guilty

Started by 11JB68, July 24, 2020, 11:21:31 AM

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11JB68

At the suggestion of mrconfused I started reading this book.
While I'm not sure some of the strategies would work well in dealing with pwpd it does have some good info.
One thing I'm struck by is the authors frequent references to others' arbitrary rules, imposing their arbitrary structure upon the relationship. This is a constant challenge for me with my uocpdh.
Also the concept that these behaviors are manipulative.
I'm reading a section now about criticism.
Uocpdh often talks about how I or our ds need to be better able to accept criticism. (Of course I realize now that this is likely projection...Updh himself does not handle criticism well at all).
The author basically says that criticism is a manipulative way of imposing our own arbitrary structure on others!
WOW.
Updh criticises ME for NOT criticising our ds!!!
So I guess now I understand that I don't have that need to impose my own arbitrary structure on others...hmmmm