Language & Karma

[blacksheep7]

I should of posted on the parents board    as a new topic.  Please move moderators, thank you.
https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=81544.0

This is good news. 

We celebrated my gd birthday last weekend at my ds's house.  She turned 8.  This is the only time we go to his house, once a year.  He lives 15 min by car.  I am not the overbearing parent but.....   
They always did seperate bd parties for the two families.  Dil parents are in the upper class, not us.  Ds and dil have been together for approx twenty years.

Anyway, my ex and wife was there as usual.  We respect each other, light conversation, so this weekend the covid took up a good long conversation, very respectful.
My ex unNPD loves attention still, always has to show me every bd party a video of our gkids at his house and what he does. Ok, nice but I don't do that.

His language is sometimes using words that have a belitling connotation thinking it's funny, «an idiot». 

He was talking to me saying «did you see what these idiots sent me?».   Wt....
Well I can't remember if it was dd or ds or his wife that answered back «hey watch your language, your're speaking about you kids and we're or they're here!» 

So to that I didn't even think and answered back even though I should have not since it was  already pointed out that using that word was improper but wtheck.
I said «now I know why (ds name) calls his dd an «idiot».  It ended the discussion right there and we went back to party mode.  My ex was radio silent.

Well, my ds  used that word speaking to  his dd last year (ds went to live with his father at 8) and I corrected him to never use that word or any other similar when speaking to his dd or any other person.   Sometimes I wonder, am I too prude of a person or what?  I know that belittling scarred me even though I know now that it doesn't defind me.


I was flabergasted because there was another intense discussion later on with my current dh and my ex.  Heated but turned out ok.  My ex was criticizing my dh work ethics, a government sector.   I won't get into the details but my ex «drinks» so his tone of voice elevated quit a bit after x amount of alcohol and dd (yes) told him he was talking too loud.  We were on the patio and this was at 8pm.  Dd became very uncomfortable with the situation and starting singing  happy birthday but I knew that were not going to jump at each others throats.   I told dd that it was ok., they were discussing.  It stopped a few minutes later.
I went inside said bye to the gkids and off we went.  My dh had the decency of going over to my ex and giving him an «elbow» goodbye, no hard feelings he said.

The next morning dh called my dd and explained himself saying that he didn't want to create this.  Dd said that her father was just going in circular convo.  I told dh that calling dd was very honorable, showing respect as a gentleman.  Dh did say that he could have said phrases that would have attacked my ex but knew where to draw the line.  He said that he wasn't going to let him have the last word cause he knows who my ex is!

Wow, can I tell you that that birthday party was     all in a good way.  Very liberating, happy and content with how dd acknowledged and validated the situation.

This is Karma.