Jealousy

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Justme729

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Jealousy
« on: August 01, 2020, 11:22:25 PM »
Why did I anticipate this happening?   Isnít it ironic how we can predict when our PD parent will have a tantrum?   

So...My parents marriage failed during their 15th year of marriage.   It was over long ago, but thatís beside the point.   My husband and I celebrated 15 years.   We are happy.  We are still in love with each other.  We drive each other crazy, but at the end of the day we function as a team.   We fight occasionally, but itís usually a growing opportunity and in the end brings us closer together. 

She didnít directly say anything.   Her tone of voice when she talked about our anniversary said it all, followed by a ďmust be niceĒ comment.   I kept it rolling and was like ďyup, it is nice.Ē   I didnít shove it in her face, but I thought about how much I really do appreciate my husband.  The example we are leading for our children.   

Has anyone ever dealt with jealousy?  How did you deal?   I refuse to feel bad for her or take away my own happiness.   She made a choice and she owns her feelings, it isnít my responsibility (she cheated on my dad and left him).   

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Thru the Rain

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Re: Jealousy
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2020, 05:38:56 AM »
Yes! My uPDM expresses jealousy and envy all the time.

She can't hear anyone's good news without trying to tear them down. She also openly gloats at other people's misfortunes.

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FindingMyLight

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Re: Jealousy
« Reply #2 on: August 16, 2020, 11:58:51 AM »
I've been NC with my mom ever since I had the epiphany that she had NPD a few months ago.  Looking back over the years, I recognize that there was obvious jealousy by the things that she has said and done.  (Of course I'm seeing it in retrospect.)  Her latest thing, which I saw on Facebook, was that she took a beach trip to the Condo complex that my husband and I regularly visit.  Of course she had comments from her friends wishing her well on her trip and to enjoy her vacation.  But the thing is, is that I KNOW my mother.  She HATES the beach, and hasn't even owned a swimsuit the past 10-15 years.  Why would she suddenly want to go to the beach that my husband and I take our kids to, and stay in the exact condo complex that we stay in and then post about it on social media? The Gulf Coast literally stretches for hundreds of miles and there are hundreds, if not thousands of hotels and condos to stay in.  It's either jealousy or some sort of competition in her mind showing me that she can do whatever I can do.  I'd be lying if I said that it didn't bother me at first.  However, after thinking about it, I had to let it go and get over it.  I'm chalking it up as a trait of her NPD and actually kind of feel sorry for her that she has the need to do something like that.  When I look at things from that perspective it actually makes me pity her.  Maybe taking a step back and looking at the big picture will help.