Confused by a 'normal' phase

[11JB68]

I know this has happened before, but it's so confusing to me. Uocpdh seems to be in some sort of'normal' phase.
Like, not great, but like...I could probably live with this. Except that experience tells me it won't last.
He suddenly got some energy and took on cleaning out the basement. Didn't do it the way I would, but got rid of some of his crap and allowed ds to get rid of stuff too. (Still hoarding books, c which he doesn't read but....) There was major progress. Also he has done a couple of really minor things around the house that normally he wouldn't do. It's weird. I actually secretly packed up some of my stuff to take to a friend's house, chickened out, but decided to stow it at my office. So it was all in the trunk. This morning something happened that I anticipated would result in a rage. I thought well my trunk is packed, so I quickly threw some essentials in my work tote bag thinking this is it, if he rages I'm leaving for work and not coming back.
Then.... Nope, no rage. In fact some honest insight.
So weird.
I do not know what to make of this.
And yet I've learned not to let myself slip into a false sense of security...

[SparkStillLit]

Don't slip. Keep your shit packed. It's a hoover or a mood swing, and we all know it will swing right back. You'll be right back up that fabled creek without your paddle. Don't bother buying in. It's a scam, just like EVERY other time. Put your stuff at your office, keep your bug out bag in the car, and make your getaway when ready.
C'mon, woman, I'm pulling for you!

[ChillNow]

This certainly seems to be the exception. A temporary mood upswing.   Wait for it, wait for it - it will go back down.  When my soon to be ex went downhill after a stable stretch, it was harder because I had just started to relax a little and even get a little hopeful.  Then: bam!   There were the old behaviors again.  One day I didn't have the emotional elasticity to stay. 

Without ongoing therapy, past behaviors are the best predictors of the future you can expect.

[notrightinthehead]

Enjoy it! And keep on doing what you are doing. It seems to have some effect.

[losingmyself]

I am currently also enjoying a calm phase.  I just take it as it is, a phase. Maybe a good time to implement some boundaries, since he's less likely to buck them. I know something will change it, so I don't trust it, or let my guard down, I just enjoy it knowing my fuse is getting really really short.
Maybe it's helping me with my self-awareness, since I don't have someone telling me how horrible I am.  Maybe I'll get closer to loving myself a little more.
I hope you do too..

[1footouttadefog]

I have learned not to be sucked in by the "normal'

My pdh has bipolar in addition to pd.  Its pretty well managed with , meds leaving pd to deal with.  When he does have breakthrough bipolar he will go through a nice normal during the transition

He has mixed mania, so basically its a manic pissiness that can lead to a psychotic rage state with violent anger and obsessive thinking without meds.  However that nice ,jolly, quirky, boyish hypomania can persist for lengths of time before shooting off into aweful.

So for us if things seems too much like the normal guy from decades ago, i have to be alarmed it may mean trouble is on the way.

Too sad.

[11JB68]

Well that didn't take long... But it wasn't a complete blow up and I got a half assed apology later.
His pd showed itself last night as I somehow didn't read his mind about when we should be having dinner. I hate that I'm supposed to be stressed out about whatever we eat on a Saturday night in August when we have no where to go and no one to see. I work hard all well at a stressful job. Why can't my weekends just be relaxing? Then the'apology' later which was tired to an excuse,  so really somehow I'm supposed to feel badly for him and not be annoyed with him... He was only cranky because his back hurt.
Yet this morning he's out in the yard doing and supervising yard work.

[ToAudrey]

11JB68 so sorry the normal phase didn't last and added so much stress to your weekend. After all of the work stress you don't need more. 

[GettingOOTF]

When my ex sensed on some level he was losing control of me he’d make a minimal effort to address something that he knew bothered me.

When it don’t have the immediate effect of me falling all over myself to be what he wanted, and of course to punish me for his having to make the minimal effort there’d be a big blow up later.

He is not going to change. We all walk our own path and live our own lives but it made me very sad to read this:

Like, not great, but like...I could probably live with this.

It reminded me of a time on my life when I settled so hard for so little.

People don’t change without doing the work. You are on here all the time doing the work, looking inward, trying to understand, making plans. Your husband is doing none of this and nothing you do will change his behavior.