Wedding album

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Leonor

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Wedding album
« on: August 05, 2020, 02:06:43 AM »
Hi all,

I've been NC with my foo for over a decade now, and spend many of my visits here in the IL threads. My mom is a textbook BPD Queen-Witch.

But today I came across my wedding photo album in our basement. I stored it because even though I literally now talk to maybe three of the hundreds of people at my wedding (guess who made the guest list!), I thought that one day I could show my sons pictures of the other human beings on this planet they are related to. (My mom cut me out of the family before my oldest was two so they don't even know what she looks like).

What struck me about the album was that it wasn't "mine" at all. I had remembered that none of the pictures dh and I had picked out were included (my m had disregarded our choices and sent her own preferred proofs to the photographer, but since she paid for it we let it slide).

But what creeped me out today was that it's totally all about *her*. There's the first picture of me (at least), but then it's me and her, me her and her mom, then a few pages later dh shows up with me and his family, and then it's all her and her brothers and sisters and their kids again.

I didn't notice at the time because I was the GC in a super fog, but today I felt such a mix of emotions ... sad, because my wedding was a big show with tons of people I didn't know (like, my mom's *accountant* - she is the kind of person to have her own accountant); mad, because I didn't have any wonderful memories of this great day because once I started telling the truth and healing from CPTSD, my family and friends started telling me that I was crazy, so I dropped them; and relieved, like I just missed stepping into an empty elevator shaft. I felt like, thank God I got out of there! That woman is nuts!

Anyway, thank you for reading. I just wanted to get that off my chest.

Wellness!




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Thru the Rain

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Re: Wedding album
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2020, 03:19:39 AM »
What a sad story! And yet a solid confirmation of what you have already come to know about your M.

I'm so sorry you don't have pictures that reflect you and your DH on your wedding day.

They always seem to find a way to make it about themselves - in your M's case, quite literally!

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Leonor

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Re: Wedding album
« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2020, 12:29:11 PM »
Thank you, Thru!

I just remembered also that she rented the bridal suite in our wedding hotel ... FOR HERSELF!

She did book us a room on a lower floor though.

 :doh:

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Thru the Rain

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Re: Wedding album
« Reply #3 on: August 05, 2020, 01:16:33 PM »
Thank you, Thru!

I just remembered also that she rented the bridal suite in our wedding hotel ... FOR HERSELF!

She did book us a room on a lower floor though.

 :doh:

Oh good lord!

My uPDM wore a white dress to my wedding. And this is after first refusing to even attend, and then even after deciding to attend she refused to help in any way - no monetary/emotional support at all. Then....her very own white dress.

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Leonor

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Re: Wedding album
« Reply #4 on: August 05, 2020, 09:38:23 PM »
 :stars:

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blacksheep7

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Re: Wedding album
« Reply #5 on: August 21, 2020, 03:51:44 PM »
Oh my, those wedding stories, sad and sometimes cruel when you think of it.

Our N parents had control or should I say they wanted all the control.  I had left home and moved in with my boyfriend who later became my husband.

NF wanted me to pay half the expenses since I had already left, fine but he wanted open bar because of his european background.
Well he left with all the remaining booze not even asking me if I wanted anything.  I'm not a drinker but I have company that does.    I was sooooooo in the fog then.

M told me that she knew I wouldn't marry a man from the same country as hers.   I mean really, did she have to say that?  I was not born in NF/NM country.

Her culture would give out nicely decorated candy boxes to each guest.
The M of the bride usually hands them out and mingles with the guests while doing so.  While handing one out to my bff which was to become my sil (married the eldest)  NM said  «do you deserve or merit one?»    :aaauuugh:

So all those memories help us understand who they really were.   What were they thinking?   The problem is they weren't.
They were/are entitled. :stars:
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

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SparkStillLit

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Re: Wedding album
« Reply #6 on: August 22, 2020, 01:18:27 PM »
My wedding ended up being enormous. It was outside, so oh well, but I didn't want a giant do. Nmum invited everyone. "Do you remember so and so from when you were two, and I worked at the blah blah with her? (NO!!!!) Well I ran into her at the grocery store and invited the family! (WTF!!!!!)" She paid for it, so whatever. I have very few nice photos, because her "good friend" did the photography, and I guess they were just starting out, or whatever, or they were cheap, but they didn't know what the hell they were doing.
Also during our dance, I literally got two bars of song with updh when updmil CUT IN OUR DANCE. Fil (not her hubby) smoothly snagged me, whispered apology, and in his, Idk, courtly Southern way made it all look not awkward, but oh my life I was furious.
OHHHHHH THE THINGS I DIDN'T KNOW, THE RED FLAGS I TURNED MY FACE FROM!
I came from an entitled pwpd hot mess  and married myself right into more of the same.

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blacksheep7

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Re: Wedding album
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2020, 11:34:36 AM »

OHHHHHH THE THINGS I DIDN'T KNOW, THE RED FLAGS I TURNED MY FACE FROM!
I came from an entitled pwpd hot mess  and married myself right into more of the same.

 :yeahthat:
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

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catta

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Re: Wedding album
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2020, 01:24:14 PM »
OMG. This is 100% why I will never have a wedding (even though my N mom said that I "have to" have a wedding and because weddings are "not about what you want"  ;D)

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SparkStillLit

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Re: Wedding album
« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2020, 08:09:34 PM »
Omg I heard that same nonsense! Can't remember which one said it. "Weddings are not about what you want" well then why bother!!

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Cassandra T

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Re: Wedding album
« Reply #10 on: September 05, 2020, 05:05:29 AM »
My wedding pictures were an issue too. My grandmother said she had to remind my mom that the pictures were supposed to be mine, and not hers!

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followersuk

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Buy instagram followers uk
« Reply #11 on: September 07, 2020, 04:45:23 AM »
Find the perfect wedding album for your cherished snapshots. These wedding photo books will help you relive your favorite nuptial moments. BY 

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Liketheducks

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Re: Wedding album
« Reply #12 on: September 07, 2020, 03:30:29 PM »
What is it about PD mom's and weddings???    Mine wore white AND caught the bouquet.   Mind you, she was still married to my father at the time.  They had been separated for years, but she refused to spend the money to formally divorce her.   He eventually met another women and married - but not until after serving Mom with divorce papers on what would have been their 25 anniversary.     There was a sheepish groomsman, 20 years her junior who put the garter on her.   I wanted to crawl under a table.     Charming family, I have.

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Hepatica

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Re: Wedding album
« Reply #13 on: September 07, 2020, 04:39:27 PM »

I just remembered also that she rented the bridal suite in our wedding hotel ... FOR HERSELF!


 :???: :???: :???: OMG! I feel so much compassion for that young you that had to put up with this woman. I'm so glad you found freedom from her.

Here's to wellness. I have to ask. How does it feel to have 10 year of NC? I am really only beginning the journey of NC now after trying LC for years.
« Last Edit: September 07, 2020, 04:41:28 PM by Hepatica »