Uncommon (or not) behaviors

Started by Poison Ivy, August 08, 2020, 11:28:25 AM

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Poison Ivy

As I was mowing the lawn a little while ago, using the mower that I borrowed from my brother, I thought about my ex. He was willing to mow the lawn but left two broken lawnmowers at the house when he moved (before the divorce) to become his parents' caregiver. I'm not being sarcastic when I say that I think ex-h left the mowers here because he found it so traumatic to make decisions about items that maybe could be fixed.

Anyone else want to mention an NPD's behavior, similar to this or not to this, that might or might not be common?

Free2Bme

Hi P.I. ~

Not sure, but what I'm hearing is that you are wondering if PD's become overwhelmed when needing to make a decision to either repair something or replace the broken item. (?)  Hopefully that's accurate :)

From what I've learned, some PD's struggle making decisions, possibly due to conflicting motivations.  IME, it's more likely that they have 'moved on' mentally and the object (lawnmower) is no longer useful anymore, so it is discarded much like people that no longer serve their agenda. 

My updxh was extremely big on the repair option and would replace if not repairable,  penny pinching to an extreme.  I think it was another way to satisfy the insatiable need to be in control of something, anything.  I obviously don't know his thought process, but it seemed like it went something like... "Ah-ha!  something broke and I didn't have to pay any money, so I win, yay me!"

Another possible explanation for your left-behind machines; he wanted to stick you with them.  When I divorced, my updxh made a 7 page list (in a tiny #3 font) of every, single, item we accumulated/possessed over 20 years of marriage, down to the minutia.  He dictated how all marital property would be split, down to bottle openers, plastic storage containers, etc.  Here's what you get, here's what I take.  He made it look like he was splitting fairly, but 1/2 the s**t he put in my column was misrepresented, missing/lost or broken.  In other words, he took the best of everything and I got a lot of junk.  He took the stuff he could sell and make good money on, and left me with a broken lawnmower, weedeater, and multiple other broken items.  I live on acreage and needed these for upkeep.  I believe he derived pleasure knowing he "double-downed" on me,  meaning he got to profit from selling high dollar machines, and I'm stuck spending money to replace them.

I allowed this on purpose and didn't fight it.  I felt he needed to feel that he screwed me over if I was ever going to have any hope of him leaving me alone.  So I let him 'win'.

This was just my experience, hopefully your ex is not as conniving as mine was.

Poison Ivy

I'm sorry you were stuck with junk, too, Free2Bme. I think I'm past the "why didn't you leave me a functioning lawnmower" thoughts vis-a-vis my ex, but initially not only did I have those but I also was very aggravated that I had to figure out how to dispose of the broken things.

Free2Bme

I hear you  :yes: and understand about the problem of disposing things..... and finishing all of the projects that were abandoned at 85% completion.  Parting gifts I guess  :roll:

blunk

Oh yes, the unfinished projects! And 2 broken lawnmowers! And JUNK...filled a 15 yard dumpster after the divorce was final!

To start my bpdxh was not at all mechanically inclined. I had a co-worker who did small engine repair, he would find junk lawnmowers, weedwhackers, snowblowers, etc. and fix them up. So I gave him a call, and he had a nice little Honda mower pretty cheap. One issue, he had ordered a cover for the belt that ran the self-propulsion, but hadn't received it yet. He explained that it could be used, but not the self-propulsion, until the part came in and then he would bring it to work for me. The first time xh used it he engaged the self-propulsion and broke the belt. He then decided it was a piece of junk and put it in the basement. He then went to a stag party and one a lawnmower...it really was a piece of junk and broke within a few uses...into the basement with it. Next he had to buy a top of the line Husqvarna (not like he was working, and he never had an issue spending my money!) which ran great, but eventually one of the axles broke. The funny part is, I really needed to mow the lawn and decided to give the Honda a try as the front yard was pretty flat and I didn't need the self-propulsion. After more than 2 years sitting...it started on the first pull.

The other funny one, maybe not directly related, but still amusing...he had to go snowblower shopping by himself, and had to get the most expensive snowblower that the store had. Which he bragged about, again my money, so what the hey. Worked fine first winter. Then late the next fall he pulls it out to make sure that it still starts. He tries for at least an hour to pull-start this thing. Finally he has me try, even though he comments that he doesn't think I am strong enough, but he needs to rest (he does have a legit heart condition). No luck, he gives up, again it's just a piece of junk. He even tried to get me to buy him a new one in the divorce, I declined.

So after the divorce I ask a friend over to help me out with the snowblower. As soon as he gets there he asks me for an extension cord. Turns out it had an electric start! bpdxh had to get the most expensive model, but had no idea why he wanted it, or why that model was more expensive than the others! I still laugh every time I go to start it.


clara

My NPDexh was lazy, to be blunt.  Things that required attention that he had no real interest in (i.e., anything remotely practical) he'd let go into disrepair because he simply couldn't be bothered.  He didn't feel it worth his time or effort. He was better than that.  He had better things to do.  And when it came to disposing of something broken, same situation.  He couldn't be bothered and would expect me to take care of it.  He had better things to do, I didn't.  And if I didn't take care of it, it wouldn't get done.